Keep being a good parent and know there's a reason she's your ex.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My ex and I were married for a decade and divorced last year. We have an 8-year-old son together. “Gia” was the one who got away. We were friends but never quite in the right state to try for a relationship.

She was with someone or I was or our careers just took us in different directions. Gia recently moved back to the city and we met up for drinks. Sparks flew. We are seeing each other, but I have no intent to introduce her to my son for a while. My ex and I still have friends in common and I guess someone blabbed. My ex called me up in a fury to interrogate me about my love life. Basically, she hated even the idea of Gia and acted like she caught me cheating (which is hysterical because she had been carrying on an emotional affair with her married co-worker for the last two years of our marriage). I told her that whoever I was seeing or not seeing was none of her business anymore. I would stick to our agreed-upon parenting plan where we wouldn’t introduce any new partners to our son unless the relationship was serious.

Since then, our relationship has been a series of texts limited to our son, and worse, my son has been making comments to me about how he doesn’t want a “new” mommy. I reassured my son that his mom and I were not going anywhere and we loved him. Right now, I am fuming and I don’t know how to go forward. Gia and I have only been seeing each other for a few months. Maybe it will lead somewhere. Maybe it won’t. But I have the right to try. I didn’t approach the co-worker or his wife (despite having ample evidence) and tried to take the high road with my ex. And here she is poisoning the well with my son! I don’t know what move to make next. Help!

—Poisoned Well

charlotte989875

Keep being a good parent. Don’t bad mouth your ex or ask your kids what she’s saying. Tell them the truth, be consistent, and know that eventually they will see what’s going on. 

mrsconn23

There isn't much you can do about what your ex-wife says to your son.  It sucks. 
All you can do is reassure your son that he's your priority when he's with you. 

And now you know what she is saying, so it gives you time to game-plan if you and Gia do get serious.  She's actually giving you the advantage here.  Take it and use it. 

The rest of the BS is just noise.  The people who truly know you will stick by you.  And stop obsessing over her emotional affair.  Yes, she's a freaking hypocrite, but she's an ex for a reason. 

short+sassy

My favorite Judge Judy quote, "Don't hate each other more than you love your kids."

Yet here is the ex-wife making their son upset and nervous for no reason.

Unfortunately, the LW can't do anything about what his ex says.  But he can keep doing what he is doing.  Reassuring his son and not bad-mouthing the boy's mother in return.

levioosa

I feel so much for the good parents in divorces who try to remain neutral, who try to always place their kids first, only to have a shitty ex partner always intervene and make everyone's lives miserable. Listen, you can have beef with me, but keep the kids out of it. How selfish do you have to be to think it's a good idea to poison your kid against their parent? Like that won't have long lasting implications for their own life? Ugh. 

MyNameIsNot

Document everything and start stashing away a little extra cash in case you need a lawyer. It sounds like your ex is going to start something if/when you end up getting serious with someone new. 

In the meantime, yeah, just keep being the good one.