Wedding Woes

You have terrible friends, not just C.

Dear Prudence,

When I was a child, “C” and I became best friends. I went away to college, and there was a little bit of a distance between both of us, but we stayed friends. Over the years, C and I have grown farther apart. I felt like I was putting almost all the work into the relationship, especially after she got married. When I complained about this, she just kept making excuses about being a married woman. The final straw was when I went through a series of terrible things and she did absolutely nothing to help, not even a text to see how I was doing. I finally stopped trying to have any kind of relationship with her. I saw her when our group of friends got together and that was it. Then C moved away and I moved away. We haven’t talked in three years. I didn’t think she’d kept in touch with anybody from our friend group either; meanwhile, I have, and I consider them all close friends still.

I got engaged last year and decided I would not be inviting C. I sent out save the dates a couple months ago and she called me after not getting one. I told her that we were limiting our guest list to people we had active relationships with. C started yelling truly terrible things so I hung up. Well, come to find out, she had kept in touch with someone in our group, the only other person who was married at the time. C is now claiming that the reason our friendship had fallen apart was because I had judged her for getting married and that any distance she had created between us was just her not feeling supported. She claims that she reached out about the wedding because she thought I would “finally understand what it means to be a wife.”

The worst part is that some of my friends think I am not inviting her to punish her for not being a good friend. These friends, like C, think that you can not talk to someone for years and still pick up where you left off. I believe that can happen sometimes, but this is not one of those times. I do not want to be friends with her anymore. Some of my friends have mentioned they are reconsidering coming to my wedding because I am being a “bridezilla.” I am really torn about what to do. There is a part of me that wants to just tell them not to come if they are being such bad friends, but I haven’t done that for one reason: I haven’t told them about my history with C.

At this point, I’m worried that telling them makes it look like I’m trying to make an excuse for treating C the way I am. I also never really told C why I stopped talking to her, which looks bad on my part. I’m starting to realize how manipulative C is, and she is definitely doing an excellent job at spinning this narrative. Do you have any advice?

—Bridal Blow Up

Re: You have terrible friends, not just C.

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    I feel like so much of this can be helped if you talk to people one on one.  There's an arrogance I'm reading in a lot of this letter that makes me question what the actual truth is.
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    "We lost touch years ago; that's why I didn't invite her. This really isn't the big drama that everyone is trying to turn it into." 

    But yeah, it sounds like these friends are a bunch of drama llamas. 
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