Dear Prudence,
My girlfriend’s parents were/are alternatively abusive and neglectful, and she was not healthy in either home. At 16, she went to live with her aunt and uncle, who truly moved mountains to give her love, security and a safe future. They were persistent, and spent a lot of money on therapy, but mostly it was the consistency that helped her. They also put a lot of effort into protecting her from her dad’s creepy friends and other unsafe romantic and sexual situations. I am grateful to them.
The problem is, they don’t trust any partner for her now. We’re 30 and have been together for three years. They still treat me with cool polite distrust. She says this has been the case with everyone she’s dated. I’m a good partner: I love her, I care about her feelings and her body. I keep up my half of planning, organizing, cleaning, and food stuff. I’m fun to talk to and to plan with. I make decent money and am not stingy. I know no one’s perfect, but I think I’m doing ok. It’s starting to move from awkward to painful that they still act like I’m not trustworthy or that I don’t love my girlfriend. I want to build closeness with these people who love her too! Can I ask my girlfriend to do anything about this because it’s her family? Is this something I should do myself?
—Getting Blamed for the Past