There are several alternatives before bringing the hammer down.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My girls are both 10 and at the age where all they want to do is have slumber parties. The problem is my 7-year-old niece. She is determined to be just like her big girl cousins. She isn’t. We tried three times to have her over to spend the night. The girls sleep in the basement and the bathroom is right up the stairs. My niece refuses to get up to go to the bathroom by herself. She gets scared even with night lights.

So she ends up wetting her bed. Then I get woken up to deal with it. Last time, I had to drive my niece home because she wouldn’t calm down. My sister still insists that it isn’t a problem and my niece still wants to come. I think my niece is still too young for this, and I have suggested that my sister host these sleepovers in her one-bedroom apartment. She, like me, doesn’t want to because both our places have very thin walls. And she has a new boyfriend. How do I get my sister to see sense? I don’t want to hurt my niece. She adores my girls and is very sensitive.

—No Sleepovers

banana468

So if this is a 7 yo who isn't a night wetter is the night light insufficient light or is the whole environment scary?    If it's JUST the bathroom situation could the LW get special sleepover headlamps for the girls that they wear if they need to get up to use the bathroom?  Practice in the dark before light out so the niece can feel comfortable navigating in the dark?  Or is there a fear of the dark and no amount of light without a buddy helps?   

If the issue is that the niece needs not just light but easier bathroom access what about sleeping on the same floor as the bathroom?  IF that's not possible then try to curb it for a little longer.  There is SO much growth at that age that it may be 6 mo and she's ready.

short+sassy

I don't understand why the daughters and their cousin HAVE to sleep in the basement.

They could do "indoor camping" in the living room or another room that is on the same floor as a bathroom.

I get the LW probably wouldn't want that to be a regular occurrence.  But 1-2x/month on a non-school night shouldn't be a big deal.

mrsconn23

Sister is pushing this because she wants time with her new man, IMO.

Anyway, I wouldn't ditch the sleepovers altogether.  I'd give her one more chance to stay at your house, but move them to a floor where a bathroom is at, install some more nightlights, and I like the idea of giving her a headlamp too (but headlamps in dark mirrors is freaky AF, so...).  If she still is paralyzed by fear to the point of wetting the bed, then it's time to put the foot down on waiting until she's older. 

HOWEVER, if you ditch the sleepovers, ensure the kids are getting together regularly and doing fun stuff together.  She needs this cousin bonding time.  It will benefit her, and your kids, in the long run more than you realize.   Some of DH's and my strongest familial relationships and the people we enjoy the most are cousins on his side and mine. 

levioosa

mrsconn23 said:

Sister is pushing this because she wants time with her new man, IMO.

Anyway, I wouldn't ditch the sleepovers altogether.  I'd give her one more chance to stay at your house, but move them to a floor where a bathroom is at, install some more nightlights, and I like the idea of giving her a headlamp too (but headlamps in dark mirrors is freaky AF, so...).  If she still is paralyzed by fear to the point of wetting the bed, then it's time to put the foot down on waiting until she's older. 

HOWEVER, if you ditch the sleepovers, ensure the kids are getting together regularly and doing fun stuff together.  She needs this cousin bonding time.  It will benefit her, and your kids, in the long run more than you realize.   Some of DH's and my strongest familial relationships and the people we enjoy the most are cousins on his side and mine. 

All of this. Also I’m a grown ass adult and there are times when we’re camping where my headlamp makes a weird shadow or my peripheral vision creates something imaginary with it and it gives ME the heebie jeebies. So I’m gonna say a 7 year old with a dark phobia isn’t going to fare well with that. 

banana468

levioosa said:

mrsconn23 said:

Sister is pushing this because she wants time with her new man, IMO.

Anyway, I wouldn't ditch the sleepovers altogether.  I'd give her one more chance to stay at your house, but move them to a floor where a bathroom is at, install some more nightlights, and I like the idea of giving her a headlamp too (but headlamps in dark mirrors is freaky AF, so...).  If she still is paralyzed by fear to the point of wetting the bed, then it's time to put the foot down on waiting until she's older. 

HOWEVER, if you ditch the sleepovers, ensure the kids are getting together regularly and doing fun stuff together.  She needs this cousin bonding time.  It will benefit her, and your kids, in the long run more than you realize.   Some of DH's and my strongest familial relationships and the people we enjoy the most are cousins on his side and mine. 

All of this. Also I’m a grown ass adult and there are times when we’re camping where my headlamp makes a weird shadow or my peripheral vision creates something imaginary with it and it gives ME the heebie jeebies. So I’m gonna say a 7 year old with a dark phobia isn’t going to fare well with that. 

Yup agreed.  Definitely wouldn't suggest the light if there's a fear of what lurks around the corner in the shadows.