Wedding Woes

Ugh, no.

Dear Prudence,

I love the fact my son is in love and engaged to be married. However, I am not the biggest fan of the girl. “Dee” has severe boundary issues. She is estranged from both of her own parents and siblings and is determined to force my daughters and me into the roles. It started off innocently enough with Dee wanting to go shopping or out to lunch with us. Then we couldn’t do anything separately without Dee getting upset.

And Dee would get upset…

As in crying buckets and a constant barrage of texts and social media posts asking what she did wrong and kicking up a fuss. My daughter made her Instagram private because Dee would obsessively comment on any food pictures she uploaded. My other daughter had to have surgery, so I picked her up and stayed at her apartment to take care of her, and somehow Dee made it about her hurt feelings.

That caused a fight. My son is very protective of Dee and blames us for not being understanding enough about her problems. Dee is in therapy. And not enough therapy in my opinion. They haven’t even started planning the wedding, and I am already dreading all the drama that it is going to bring.

This Mother’s Day, I was feeling under the weather, so I canceled plans with my kids, and took a nap. Dee called me 10 separate times to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. This is not normal or healthy. What do I do here? Talking to my son or Dee gets me nowhere.

—Dreading Dee

Re: Ugh, no.

  • Options
    Yikes.  Can you talk to your son and Dee together?  I feel like there would be no point in talking to them separately so what about offering the invitation to him to say that you want to talk to the two of them, let them know that you truly care about both of them however doing things without the son or Dee are not done AT them.    IF that's not something that they can grow to understand you may  have to be clear that you also won't be changing. 

    At that point as the mother I hate to say it but I'd consider talking to the son separately if $ was promised and say that you're not going to be pushed or manipulated by them nor will you accept being villainized for taking care of your children's and your unique needs on an individual basis.  If that is not something that they understand you can't support giving $ to support them either. 
  • Options
    This is so fucked.  I'd have a hard time maintaining a relationship with my kid if their SO acted like this and they didn't see anything wrong with it.  And were mad at me for not being 'understanding'.  Um, bucko...your lady is gonna a boil a bunny one day.  
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