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Three poly relationships in the world...

Dear Prudence,

Last year, I became involved in my first poly relationship with a couple, Frank and Linda. To be honest, my attraction was mostly to Frank, but I decided to give this relationship a chance even though Linda was always a bit more distant with me. We settled into a routine. Frank and Linda have a daughter, Marcie, and because of my schedule, I’ve been able to pick up Marcie from school and help around the house a bit. I felt like we were a family. Recently, Frank and Linda brought someone else, Chelsea, into the relationship. As a result, I’ve been sidelined.

I still pick up Marcie from school and help around the house, but otherwise, Frank and Linda spend very little time with me. I feel both of them, most of all Linda, are more attracted to Chelsea and like her better. I resent Chelsea a lot. When I brought this up, they accused me of being “needy” and “close-minded.” I feel betrayed, but this is my first poly relationship and I worry that maybe they are right that I’m looking at this the wrong way. I don’t want to be a “clingy” girlfriend. On the other hand, if all I’m doing is vacuuming and running errands for Frank and Linda, I don’t think that’s a real relationship. I don’t even know how to discuss this with them again as the one time I did they blew me off.

—Trapped In a Love Square

Re: Three poly relationships in the world...

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    If your concerns are dismissed are you even in a relationship? 
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    If your BFF told you that this is how her boyfriend was treating her, what would you say? Poly relationships can be abusive and toxic too. 

    Run. 
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    Sounds like the bottom line is that the LW is no longer happy in this relationship.  I can't blame her.  It sounds like they are no longer meeting her emotional needs and all she feels is hurt.

    I don't know much about poly relationships, but I'd think adding another person to a group should be a decision made by everyone.  Or at least talked about.  However, it doesn't sound like the LW was included in that choice.

    They're the ones who sound "close-minded" if all they do is scoff at what her needs are.
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    LW you are their babysitter and maid, not their lover.  Walk away. 
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    I am sure there are other poly people out there who would include you more in the relationship and not treat you like a free babysitter and housekeeper. Get out of this "relationship" and give yourself the chance to find them. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sounds like the bottom line is that the LW is no longer happy in this relationship.  I can't blame her.  It sounds like they are no longer meeting her emotional needs and all she feels is hurt.

    I don't know much about poly relationships, but I'd think adding another person to a group should be a decision made by everyone.  Or at least talked about.  However, it doesn't sound like the LW was included in that choice.

    They're the ones who sound "close-minded" if all they do is scoff at what her needs are.
    Exactly. From what I know about poly relationships, successful ones (just like any relationship style) have clear discussions about boundaries, roles, and for sure they definitely discuss bringing another person into the couple. 

    Leave, LW. You never even really liked Linda to begin with. 


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