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Wedding Woes

Stop going to their house.

Dear Prudence,

A few years ago, I suffered an injury which, as well as being permanent, makes walking very difficult and painful, and leaves me at risk for falling at any time. I wear custom orthotics that must be worn within shoes. I’m supposed to wear them as much as I can, which means I really only take them off when I am getting ready for bed, taking a shower, swimming, etc. I am wondering what the correct etiquette is when I am told that I cannot enter a residence without taking off my shoes. Some things to keep in mind:

  • The shoe covers from the hardware store are extremely slippery and honestly make it harder for me to walk.

  • Wiping off my shoes or washing them will not get them clean enough for this specific host (a family member), only sending them through the washer will, which I am not willing to do because shoes that fit ankle-foot orthoses are pricey and hard to find.

  • I cannot wear just anyone else’s slippers because I wear a hard-to-find size.

  • I cannot use my wheelchair within the house because the wheels have been outside and cannot be cleaned to the host's satisfaction.

  • It never occurred to me to bring slippers as in the past in this particular home, they have been OK with shoes on the first floor. (Also, traveling while as medically complicated as I am is difficult enough without having to take other people's floors into account.)

The host insists that their small children play on the floor and that if I knew how filthy the floors were and what germs shoes bring in, I would not be asking them to wear shoes in the house. They say that if it is so dangerous and painful for me to walk, I should just sit down the whole time.

—Accessibility Denied

Re: Stop going to their house.

  • I think you turn down their invitations.  Perhaps if there's a way to have orthotics in slippers consider bringing your own but if that isn't doable I think you need to say that you understand that their living environment is not compatible with your disability.
  • It's sad some people are this persnickety that they refuse to accommodate a disabled relative.  The only answer is to stop going to their house.

    They can go over to the LW's house or everyone can meet somewhere else, like a restaurant.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • This person is an asshole and you don't want to go to their house. 

    I could see trying to figure out how to navigate this in a situation where you don't know the host well and don't want to have to explain your disability, but this is a family member who is being an asshole for the hell of it. 
  • Nope, just don’t go over to their house. We aren’t a shoe free household (we tried and failed) but even if we were I wouldn’t dream of asking my father to take off his orthotic that makes him more stable. Say I was truly invested in the shoeless household life. I would either wipe down the bottom of his shoes, or I’d just suck it up and clean the floors when he left. But in no world would I ask a disabled individual to abandon a necessary adaptive device because I had a preference. 


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  • levioosa said:
    Nope, just don’t go over to their house. We aren’t a shoe free household (we tried and failed) but even if we were I wouldn’t dream of asking my father to take off his orthotic that makes him more stable. Say I was truly invested in the shoeless household life. I would either wipe down the bottom of his shoes, or I’d just suck it up and clean the floors when he left. But in no world would I ask a disabled individual to abandon a necessary adaptive device because I had a preference. 
    So this! Even my SIL who is very OCD about shoes in the house, told me to wear my shoes with orthotics when my plantar fasciitis was flaring. 
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