Wedding Woes
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Your family sucks. Ditch them.

Dear Prudence,

My sister and I recently had a falling out. She and I have always been polar opposites, and we have never been very close. However, she recently told me that I was less important to her than any of her friends, and she has hundreds of friends. This shocked me. It was so hard for me to believe what I heard, I asked her to repeat herself a few times, which she did. There could be no confusion regarding her intentions. She wanted to hurt me badly, and she did.

Now she denies saying anything like that. She’s telling me that I remember it wrong. I feel like she’s gaslighting me. She is an extremely popular person who lives a few hours from me. I am an extremely introverted homebody. Regardless of our differences, it is my opinion that anyone who would tell a family member what she told me is being purposefully hurtful and abusive. Lately, I have been standing up for myself more when they make fun of me or shame me. I am much more apt to defend myself than I used to be. It feels good to stand up for myself but it feels bad to recognize that need, to see that my own family has never respected me or had my back. (My mom has called me lazy since I was 3. My dad only remembers mistakes I’ve made during my life.)

I am wondering if I just need to end it with all four of them. I’m 55 years old and I’m tired of being the butt of my family’s jokes. How will I know if it’s time to say goodbye? People like to say that blood is thicker than water, but I’m not so sure. When I imagine moving across the country from them, I smile on the inside. Even though my family openly admits to abusing me in my youth, they don’t seem very apologetic. How do I make it stop? I don’t have a family of my own (too screwed up) and I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but where do I draw the line between needing them in my life and hoping they won’t hurt me?

—Forever the Black Sheep

Re: Your family sucks. Ditch them.

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    FFS you're 55.  End the shenanigans and stop talking to these people. 
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    If the thought of cutting their family off brings them joy and peace, then that's what they should do.

    They should see a therapist also because it sounds like the abuse they suffered as a child has had a major effect on their life and is still affecting them.
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    People don't change just because you want them to. 

    Cut them off. Find some friends who aren't abusive assholes if you're lonely.
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    They won’t change so you change. Or move, or just cut them off and never talk to them again.  


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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    The entire quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and does not mean that family is more important.  It means chosen family is more important (it was supposed to be used for your siblings founded in religion, but secularly it's used for chosen family).

    Grayrock them and be happy with yourself.


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    VarunaTT said:
    The entire quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and does not mean that family is more important.  It means chosen family is more important (it was supposed to be used for your siblings founded in religion, but secularly it's used for chosen family).

    Grayrock them and be happy with yourself.


    You have just blown my mind!  The shortened version of that quote is always used to say the opposite.

    Here is another quote that is always shortened.  Totally unrelated to your quote or this letter.  I just like unused part a lot more than the usual part:

    Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
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