Wedding Woes

If you really like him, quit trying to change him.

Dear Prudence, 

I’ve recently started going out with a guy who, while extremely sweet, has no idea of how to dress himself. He goes to the same chain every couple of years and just gets 10 of everything he needs—jeans, chinos, shorts, long socks, sports socks, t-shirts, long-sleeve shirts, button-up shirts—all in black. He does not wear underpants ever and, no matter how cold it is, will never wear a sweater or jacket. He keeps all of these treasures in two baskets labeled “clean” and “dirty.”

I really like him and admire his relentless focus on simplicity, but people do comment and it’s a shame that he doesn’t always look his best. How do I gently nudge him to get more adventurous about his fashion sense? He’s a bit like this with everything in his life, cutting away complications so he can focus on the things he likes, so I am a little scared that he may come to see me as a “time sink” if I start pushing him to do things he considers to be a complete waste of time and energy (he’s definitely “on the spectrum” and is adorable and adventurous).

—Too Sexy for His Shirts

Re: If you really like him, quit trying to change him.

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    God I want to live this way. It would be so much simpler. 
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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    You either love the person as they are or you leave the relationship because they deserve someone who can do that.

    When people comment, shut them down.  "This is how he likes to dress and I like him, so I also like how he dresses."
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    This is my husband (except the underwear pet, he absolutely does wear underwear). But everything else? He buys 10 shirts in various shades of blue and gray. Same with button downs and pants. I’ve offered to buy him other stuff and he says no. 

    But he looks good, his clothes fit well and are clean. 

    Care more about the man than the label he is wearing. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I mean, I slowly changed H’s wardrobe for the better by just buying him stuff over time. He didn’t care, he wasn’t exactly buying stuff for himself anyways, and now he dresses better (sometimes). He’s never going to be a debonair suit wearing kind of a guy, but I did weed out the cargo shorts from Anchor Blue that “were for sure going to come back into style.” Lol 

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    God I want to live this way. It would be so much simpler. 
    My friends in religious orders where they wear habits joke about it all the time as one of the main appeals for becoming a brother/sister.
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    This sounds like a pretty core part of this guy's personality.  The LW either needs to accept it or move on.  But it's a jerk move to try and change him over something that isn't a problem, just the LW's preference.
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