It could be them or it could be you...not sure.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m a person (37 F) friends go to for advice, support, or to talk things out. I think I do OK because they keep coming back. It makes me happy to help the people I care about. But I need to talk through things, too. I don’t mean therapy issues. More, “I’ve had a terrible day at work,” or, “I’m feeling lonely.” It’s not all the time, but when I need to talk, there are no listening ears. Friends say, “I’m so sorry,” and change the subject. Initially, I got sad, but more recently, I’ve tried, “I could use someone to talk to about this a little more,” and they say, “Sorry, I just don’t know what to say.”

I get that not everyone’s good at talking. But it’s everyone. I don’t know if the problem’s with me. Do I expect too much? Am I needier than I realize? This lack of reciprocity is causing resentment that I don’t want. I either need to figure out how to get support, or how to live without it.

—Too Good at Talking

charlotte989875

Well you could talk about those things in therapy too, it’s not just for crises. 

But when your friend said that- how did you respond? Did you tell them what would be helpful in those conversations? Maybe you have shitty friends, maybe they’re bad communicators but really do care, maybe you’re expecting too much. But it’s hard to know unless you ask them why they change the subject.