Wedding Woes
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DTMFA

Dear Prudence,

My husband “Lance” and I have a 10-month-old daughter, “Isabelle.” Last month we had a near-tragedy when Lance came home with Isabelle from daycare. Shortly after he pulled into the driveway he was distracted by a phone call from work and came into the house and forgot Isabelle inside the car. It was over 95 degrees outside. By some miracle, our next-door neighbor’s 13-year-old daughter “Aubrey” was in her front yard and saw Lance pull up. From what Aubrey told me, she went and got a hedge trimmer her dad had borrowed from us and came over to return it. While walking past the car, she spotted Isabelle in her car seat.  She tried to open the doors, but they were locked. She dropped the trimmer, rushed to our front door, and rang the doorbell repeatedly. I had just gotten out of the shower and was toweling off and couldn’t answer it. I later learned my husband was still on the phone in his office and had ignored it.

When Aubrey didn’t get a response, she ran back to the car and used the trimmer to smash open a window and got Isabelle out. Isabelle was unconscious by then and Aubrey rushed her inside her house to her mother, who is a nurse. I only became aware of what was transpiring when I came downstairs and heard Aubrey’s 10-year-old brother “Alex” pounding on our door and yelling for me and my husband. I opened up and was told by a terrified Alex what happened. We rushed over to my neighbor’s to find Isabelle lying on their kitchen floor as Aubrey and her mother worked to cool her down with cold compresses and a portable fan. After several terror-filled minutes, Isabelle woke up and began to cry just as the ambulance arrived. Isabelle spent the night in the hospital for observation, but thankfully was all right and able to go home the next day. The doctor said had she been in the car 10 minutes longer she likely would not have survived. I gave my husband hell for what happened to Isabelle and he has been nothing but remorseful. But here’s the part that truly has me seeing red.

Lance’s car is customized and he treasures it. The car was a gift from his parents for his birthday. When Aubrey was breaking out the window, she put some dents in the frame and a big scratch in the paint on the door. We have insurance and only ended up with our deductible out of pocket plus around $1,000. Lance is insisting we have Aubrey’s parents reimburse us for it. I cannot believe this. Their daughter saved my baby’s life (she even cut her arm in the process and needed stitches!) after my husband forgot about her and he wants Aubrey’s parents to cover the damn deductible! I have told him this is disgusting and that if there is anyone to blame for the damage to his precious car, it’s him for putting our daughter in this situation. His response is that Aubrey’s dad makes a lot of money so they can easily afford it. He said he is willing to give Aubrey’s parents a chance to pay us before he takes them to court. I am sickened by the prospect and have told him so, but he won’t budge. What can I do to make him see reason?

—At a Loss

Re: DTMFA

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    @ei34 summed it up pretty well.
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    I have no words.  He’s putting his car before his daughter LW. 

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    I needed a content warning on this one because it’s one of my nightmares. 

    But divorce. I like @VarunaTT’s plan of being a witness for the neighbors but seriously I would want to be as far away from him as absolutely possible. 
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I would have such issues with the ethics of that person that I would be so repulsed in his presence.   
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I needed a content warning on this one because it’s one of my nightmares. 
    I'm so sorry.  It didn't cross my mind. ((hugs))  It was on my mind constantly when DefConn was little and in a carseat. 

    Anyway, there is something not right about ALL of this.  He ignored the doorbell and a kid pounding on the door for a call?!  And now he wants to be reimbursed for the neighbor and her kids saving his child's life because they damaged his car?!?!?!?! 

    Take the baby and leave.  And get as much custody as you can.  
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    Break up with Lance. Take Isabelle with you and do not ever leave her alone with him until she's older, and maybe not even then. Remorseful or not, his negligence almost killed your daughter and the fact that he is going after Aubrey's family for the damage to his car after Aubrey LITERALLY SAVED HER LIFE is beyond disgusting. He's a complete POS and you and Isabelle deserve better.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Dude should be starting a second full ride college account for Aubrey as a Thank You!!!! 

    Thinking she should pay a penny of the damage caused - yep - let him take it to small claims, be a witness for the neighbors side, and suggest the neighbors countersue for pain & suffering at his stupidity and be a fly on the wall as the Judge rips him a new one along with the prosecutor for not charging him with anything! (yes, accidents happen, but the powers that be do not take kindly to someone who doesn't accept the consequences and costs of their actions - not only to their child, but to any and all damage to the vehicle relating to saving of a life!)...  This is also why many states it is illegal to go after someone who breaks into a vehicle when someone or something's life is at stake - even if it's a doll that someone could reasonably confuse...
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Holy shit. Fuck you, Lance. 

    Also, this is why people won’t help when they see someone in need. Because why save someone’s life when you might end up in court. And kudos to that 13 year old who did all of the right steps in saving Isabelle. That’s a rare quality in a young teen and she kept her wits about her instead of panicking. Lance is the absolute worst POS. 

    This also reminds me of when my dad had a very bad injury when he was at home alone with my brother. This was years and years ago, before AI and (as many) scammers. My dad was bleeding very badly and my brother, who was probably 7, called our neighbor crying and asking for help. She told him she wasn’t interested and she hung up the phone. I cannot imagine a world where I answer the phone to a crying child asking for help only to hang up the phone without at least getting more info. Let alone if they told me they were a (known, btw) neighbor. This was also the same neighbor who watched my 2 year old brother wander down the street alone after escaping past my parents and instead of bringing him in or back up to our house, she told my mom “oh, I saw him, but I had just gotten home from work and wanted to take off my panty hose.” Police found my brother three streets away next to a busy intersection crying in a bush. Luckily he hadn’t tried to cross the busy street. Ugh that neighbor was a horrible person. 


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