Ugh, this is tough.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

My husband was a rural primary care doctor from 2012-2021. I was overjoyed when he took a position in an underserved county near my extended family. He’s gentle and hardworking, and I was the primary earner to make it work financially (Medicare and Medicaid reimbursements are garbage). But with the pandemic, he got burned out hard. Everyone brought politics into medical appointments. A neighbor screamed at me in the grocery store for “being part of the vax conspiracy.” Parents were weird to our kids. Most of our county health department was so intimidated or demoralized that they quit. He felt like patients didn’t trust him.

We moved to a small city and have been much happier. We both got better jobs and are chipping away at school loans. Our marriage is so much healthier, and so are we. Our kids are getting a better education, making friends and there’s better support for us as parents. We’re going back to visit my extended family several times this summer for funerals, a wedding, and helping move my aunt into assisted living. I love my family and the land but I’m dreading it. They still haven’t permanently filled his old job and everyone blames us for leaving, acting like we took an easy way out. An old neighbor told me she blamed my husband for her husband’s suicide the last time we visited, because there was no doctor for him to see. It’s horrible and we’ll be seeing lots of these people this summer. My husband usually freezes, and I usually get angry. How do we handle this?

—Tired Wife

MyNameIsNot

OMG, people are awful. I get that neighbor was grieving, but you've got to be some kind of horrible to say something like that. 

I would think about whether the husband needs to come on all of these trips and how much either of them needs to be out in the community when they are there. Plus come up with a couple of stock phrases for particularly nasty people. But comfort yourself in knowing they are trash acting like trash; it isn't about LW and H. 

mrsconn23

This is horrific.  They ran you and your family out of town.  Why would anyone want to serve people who act this way? 

I'd basically start telling anyone under a certain age that wants to lay blame that they can get into med school and here's how to do it. 

But for real, I'd not go out in town at all when I'm there.  If these events are full of family and maybe some of these people, I'd ask my family essentially not leave my side so no one can corner me or H to shit on us.   I'd hope if these are family events, then your family would support you kicking people out if they want to step to you with this BS.  

VarunaTT

I agree that a conversation about if it's even necessary for him to go or be out.  I also really hate that he curtails his activities because people are assholes.  

I think this is a situation where the family needs a code word for when this starts to happen, they all surround him and bean dip or deal in other ways with the bullies.  They should probably pick the most calm person as spokesperson and have exit strategies in place.  

How awful.

levioosa

"Why are providers leaving primary care!?" everybody screams. This. This is why. Also CMS just cut reimbursements again. But don't worry, hospitals and CEOs are still making more money than ever. 

short+sassy

For mean people I didn't care about, which sounds like there are a lot of, I would be blunt and say, "This is a miserable place to live.  You should be thankful we stayed as long as we did.  Hopefully you all don't run the next doctor out of town."  Or perhaps an even simpler, "We hated it here."  But mostly try to avoid everyone, except their family or friends.

I just had a flashback to that old tv show "Northern Exposure", lol.  That was such a great show!  Unique story.  A group comedy, with so many quirky characters.

If there are real programs like that, this rural town should look into it.