Dear Prudence,
I’m at my wit’s end trying to get support and help from my husband. My mom is in a nursing home 90 minutes from me. I see her three times a week. I’m completely overwhelmed and exhausted and can’t seem to get any help. I do 95 percent of everything that needs to be done at home. He “helps” by putting away laundry, putting dishes in the dishwasher after a meal, and emptying the dishwasher. This would be great if he “saw” any other dishes/cookware on the stove or counters. He puts the plates, silverware, and glasses in. That’s it. Wipes off nothing. He empties the dishwasher but doesn’t see anything still dirty. He pees on the bathroom floor, and blows his nose into the sink then leaves it there. I yelled, threatening to leave… Nothing works.
Until Mom got sick, I admit I did almost everything for him. He’s spoiled. I think this refusal or inability is passive-aggressive on his part. Or maybe it’s because he’s 81. I’m 72. I don’t know. I’m exhausted, stressed, and angry, and I’m watching my mom slip away day by day. Any magic words to get through to him? I’m thinking of leaving him, yet in my present state of mind, I don’t want to make that kind of decision. His health is great. No issues with dementia. He just sits and does nothing, which may indicate depression on his part. His life has changed too. Help!
—Desperate