Wedding Party

Family member mad over bridal party

So I got engaged early July 2024 and just chose our venue and date this past weekend. I have a grandma who messaged me asking who I'm putting in bridal party and more specifically who my flower girl is. I am having my fiancé's neice who is 3 be our only flower girl. My grandma has another granddaughter who is 7 (she is my cousin) who she wants as my flower girl and I do not. I am not close with this cousin but my grandma helped raise her. So my grandma blew up on me saying I'm ungrateful, a mean person, telling me it would mean a lot to her to put her in as my flower girl etc. Really made me feel like crap but I'm not budging on my decision. 

Thoughts? Am I a terrible person like she tells me I am? 

Re: Family member mad over bridal party

  • No, but this is why it's easier to just avoid these conversations with difficult people. Assuming you know your grandmother can be like this, the easiest response is "grandma, we've been engaged less than a month. We haven't finalized anything yet." and then talk about something else. 
  • Ditto @MyNameIsNot.  In addition, do what you can to bean dip more and avoid the conversations with those who are opinionated, difficult and not decision makers or financiers.  Sometimes it's easier to compromise when someone with purse strings is asking for that and you can do things like have two flower girls.   If Grandma is knowing for having big thoughts but isn't helping with the wedding then you handle her as nicely as you can as Grandma.
  • Ditto the PPs. Who is in your wedding party is one area that isn't up to financial contributors, and given that you just got engaged less than a month ago, it's only natural that you're not ready to finalize a decision on your wedding party members.

    So changing the subject, aka "bean-dipping," is an appropriate way to deal with your grandmother. Or, if you really want to put a stop to any name-calling and unwarranted accusations, you can say, "Grandma, I'm sure you have a lot of ideas about how you want our wedding to be, but when all is said and done, I'm not okay with being called 'ungrateful' or 'mean' or any other name simply because our ideas don't mesh. I still hope you will attend the wedding, but if you don't feel you can in good spirits and good conscience, we'll miss you."
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I got engaged early July 2024 and just chose our venue and date this past weekend. I have a grandma who messaged me asking who I'm putting in bridal party and more specifically who my flower girl is. I am having my fiancé's neice who is 3 be our only flower girl. My grandma has another granddaughter who is 7 (she is my cousin) who she wants as my flower girl and I do not. I am not close with this cousin but my grandma helped raise her. So my grandma blew up on me saying I'm ungrateful, a mean person, telling me it would mean a lot to her to put her in as my flower girl etc. Really made me feel like crap but I'm not budging on my decision. 

    Thoughts? Am I a terrible person like she tells me I am? 

    Depending on how far out your wedding date is, it is never a good idea to make any selections too early.  So many things can change in the lives of a couple between their engagement and wedding, that it's often recommended things "settle" before making too many decisions too far out.

    Limit further wedding detail discussions with anyone that does not have a financial investment in it.  If Grandma continues to press for information, simply tell her you are keeping the details private to reduce stress and maintain a semblance of surprise.
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