Dear Prudence,
My best friend is a male and, well I’m a female. Yes, we do have a history of an intimate relationship but when we discovered that we were more compatible as friends, we decided a platonic relationship was the best thing for us. We have continued this friendship for about a year now, despite the two-hour traveling distance between us. We have become very close and now I even consider him my family. Recently, he has begun an intimate relationship with another woman, which he appears to be very happy with. I understand that many find our relationship to be unusual and so I didn’t think it odd that she felt uncomfortable by his relationship with me. However, I have begun to feel less involved in his life.
His other friends, male, included me in their lives and activities together since he and I became close friends. A few of these activities are practicing inline hockey at the local rink or attending their beer league hockey games. I enjoy attending these activities and would do so often, until recently, when he began this intimate relationship. He has requested that I don’t attend these games or practices when she does, due to him feeling “uncomfortable” by the fact that both myself and this woman have slept with him (even though he and I have not been intimate for almost a year). When I have expressed to him that this decision makes me feel that our friendship is hidden, our conversation often turns into an argument. I have begun to feel excluded from these activities and have a fear of losing a friendship that is very important to me. However, despite how many times I have tried to express to him how I feel, he doesn’t seem to understand.
How do I navigate this situation, Prudence? Many people have stated that our friendship won’t last, but I refuse to believe that. We are very close and I don’t want to accept losing someone that is close to me. Do you think these people are right? If this is the end of my friendship with him, how do I cope with that?
—Forgotten Female Friend