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Ask SMIL to pick out her own special name.

Dear Prudence,

My husband’s mother passed after a short battle with cancer early in our courtship. We both miss her very much. His father remarried 10 years ago. Recently, we had a son, but my husband refuses to refer to his father’s wife as “Grandma.” As he says, “He already has two Grandmothers, just one of them isn’t here.” His father is “Grandpa” to his new wife’s grandchildren, and while I would like to respect my husband’s wishes, I think it is also not a slight to his mother’s memory and will eventually hurt his dad’s wife, whom I like. Any advice?

—Grandma Dilemma

Re: Ask SMIL to pick out her own special name.

  • "Ok honey let's ask Wanda what she prefers to be called.  I refuse to allow our son to be on a first name basis with a grown adult because that's not respectful in my opinion unless she's OK with it. "
  • My suggestion would be Grandma (First Name).  Hopefully the H doesn't have an issue with that either.

    My father passed away when my sister and I were young adults.  When my sister had her first child, my mom had been with her second husband for 10+ years.  That's what my niece and nephew call him.  Grandpa (First Name).  They absolutely think of him as their grandfather.

    I never asked my sister if she was uncomfortable with only the word "grandpa", though it wouldn't have bothered me.

    My dad loved little kids and they flocked to him.  It breaks my heart a little he never got to meet his grandchildren.  Next to me and my sister, they would have been his life's joy.  

    But my dad isn't here and nothing will change that, so I'm grateful my stepfather is their grandfather also.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree with above PPs. Ask what she wants to be called - it could be something totally different. I have a friend who is called CiCi because her name is Cindy (she is the step grandmother and the other two grandmothers are alive). Children cannot have too many people in their lives that love and care about them so there is no need to alienate anyone.
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