Dear Prudence,
My mom died when I was 14 and my sister was 7. My dad was basically unable to function as a father, so raising my little sister fell on me. I even put off school until I was 20 because I felt such guilt leaving my sister behind. My sister got pregnant at 17. Our dad and new stepmother didn’t want her to be a teen mom and told her her choices were abortion or adoption. My sister begged me to let her come live with me, but I was barely scraping by in the studio apartment I shared with my boyfriend. I told my sister there was no possible way for it to work. She ended up getting an abortion.
In the seven years since then, whenever we get into a conflict, she will throw the abortion into my face and say how I was such an awful sister and I was the reason why she had the abortion. Later she will calm down and admit that it was the best decision because she was not ready to be a mom at that moment. Still, it is always a kick in the teeth. And she only ever does it to me, not our father and stepmother or our three brothers. Last time, I told her I was done being her personal scapegoat and I didn’t want to talk to her until she got some help. We haven’t spoken in three months, and I am getting a lot of family pressure to be the bigger person and reach out again. I am tired. I love my sister, but I am tired of how she treats me. We have all been through a lot since our mom died, but it isn’t an excuse to hurt people. So what now?
—Scapegoat