Feeling used?

Janeysmith29

I need to know if I'm over reacting. My sister us getting married for the second time and at first it was said that myself and our sister in law were going to be joint MOH. We'll I planned a huge shower that cost me about $1000. I'm close to my sister she was my MOH but we are about 12 years apart in age and I'm not the party type and our sister in law is so they party together a LOT. We'll today my sister told me that our sister in law is standing next to her not me. I feel hurt and used, like I was used for my income (sister in law would have never been able to pay for thw shower). I don't know how to feel or if I'm overreacting. I am hurt and I cry really easily, so I'm worried I won't be able to keep it in during thw ceremony 😔

flantastic

Janeysmith29 said:

I need to know if I'm over reacting. My sister us getting married for the second time and at first it was said that myself and our sister in law were going to be joint MOH. We'll I planned a huge shower that cost me about $1000. I'm close to my sister she was my MOH but we are about 12 years apart in age and I'm not the party type and our sister in law is so they party together a LOT. We'll today my sister told me that our sister in law is standing next to her not me. I feel hurt and used, like I was used for my income (sister in law would have never been able to pay for thw shower). I don't know how to feel or if I'm overreacting. I am hurt and I cry really easily, so I'm worried I won't be able to keep it in during thw ceremony 😔

I can understand just feeling hurt that your sister seems closer to your SIL. That's reason enough to be hurt, but they're also your feelings to deal with and don't necessarily mean your sister did anything wrong. Whether you should feel used depends on how this shower came about.

Were you directed to throw it in an expensive way (i.e., she insisted on a huge guest list, or an expensive venue, or both?) and just expected to foot the bill?

Or did you offer it?

If you offered it freely, then I do think you're overreacting. Contributions don't buy closeness. I had two MOHs, and my then-17 year old sister was the one standing next to me. Obviously she wasn't footing the bill for anything. But I also didn't demand that my friend MOH throw any parties or in any particular way.

If you were just told to pay for an expensive party because you're the MOH and it's your responsibility, and especially if the other MOH did not have equal similar voluntold duties and contributions, then you have grounds to be upset with your sister.

climbingsingle

I’m sorry. I had a friend do the same thing to me about 20 years ago and it was so hurtful. 

banana468

If I'm understanding correctly this is your sister, you paid for the shower and you're co MOH but the standing order is going to be bride, other MOH to the left and then you? 

Yeah - I can see how it stings.  I would also say I think only you know your situation and who you can vent to.    I also feel like if you're next to hear in other places or next to the other MOH you have to cut some slack.

Weddings can be weird political power situations and I just hope whatever happens it isn't just where you stand that shapes your future relationship. 

Jen4948

I'm sorry. I can see how painful being treated like this is.