Your son and Jenny are being awful, but you need to keep up your boundaries.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I embraced “Jenny” and her two sons for the two years she was dating my son. After my granddaughter was born, they broke up and Jenny punished me by ignoring my calls and blocking me from seeing all three children. It broke my heart. My granddaughter is 3 now and I take care of her when she is in the custody of my son. They switch off every other week.

My granddaughter goes to daycare, along with her brothers, when she is with Jenny. My son pays half of the cost for my granddaughter. Recently, Jenny lost her job and the new one doesn’t pay well. She approached my son about me watching my granddaughter full-time so she could save money. I agreed to watch my granddaughter but not the two other children. It would be too much for me.

My son accused me of holding a grudge over the past and playing games. I said the only one playing games was Jenny. Suddenly, she needs something from me and wants to dangle a relationship with the boys in front of me. I’m not going to go through that heartbreak again when Jenny decides she doesn’t need me anymore and throws me aside like she did. I went from being a grandma to her sons to a stranger. Jenny has her own parents and the fathers of the boys to lean on if she needs help. My son called me hard-hearted and spiteful. Now we don’t speak unless it is about my granddaughter. I am so tired of it all. What should I do?

—Grandma in Grapevine

VarunaTT

I mean, yeah LW, this is what they're doing to you because you said no.  That doesn't mean you change your "no".  You can try and re-open talking with your son, but it might not work.  Still keep your "no".

charlotte989875

They’re both being terrible, and trying to manipulate you into provide free daycare. You said no, let that be that. 

But also no is a full sentence. You don’t need to get into “Jenny is playing games” or about what she did in the past. “No, three kids all day every day is too much” is sufficient. Don’t bring the rest of it into just tell them what you’re able to do. They can decide if they want to take you up on that offer. 

mrsconn23

Agreed, @charlotte989875.  LW sounds like they are being punitive ON TOP of the fact that the three kids are too much. 

I get it, Jenny hurt LW's feelings with how the relationship ended and the fact that the boys were yanked away, but dragging it out in this way is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die. 

Plus, LW's son clearly isn't over whatever is/was between him and Jenny since he's being so defensive.  Shitting on Jenny clearly caused a reaction for him and continuing to double down won't help LW's relationship with their son.