Dear Prudence,
My late sister raised her stepdaughter, “Zara,” from practically her birth. The biological mother had a drug addiction issue, but still refused to surrender her rights to Zara. When my sister died, she and her husband were in a trial separation over his cheating. I know she was only staying because she was afraid of losing Zara. After her death, her husband took Zara out of state and has only allowed sporadic contact with our family. It particularly devastated my mother.
I am expecting my first. But rather than being excited and happy for me, my mother keeps bringing up Zara. Trying to get me to Facetime her, or talking about how Zara will be a great older cousin, or insisting that Zara writes something in my baby book. Every time, it feels like the shadow of my sister and her loss are just swallowing us up. Zara is almost 8 now and it is obvious that her father has moved on. He is engaged again and the writing is on the wall that our time with Zara is running out, given what little he allowed. My mother refuses to accept that. I miss my sister and Zara, but I want to be excited about this baby and my mother keeps dragging me down. How do I get through to her?
—First Baby