Wedding Party

Rude MOH??

edited August 2024 in Wedding Party

I'm really at my wits end with my maid of honor and the purpose of this post is to get some opinions on whether you guys would put up with this or not. While planning my bridal shower, my mom and another bridesmaid kept telling me that my maid of honor (Let’s call her Gabby) was being really rude and negative towards all of their ideas that aligned with the vision and inspo board I had shown them, and that she was trying to change the theme completely. When they said no, she said she didn't want to be involved in it anymore. I was also told that Gabby was texting her (the bridesmaid) talking a bunch of crap about my mom; calling her a control freak for wanting to make decisions on decorations. Mind you, my mom is the one paying for everything and is SO SWEET (and it turned out stunning & dreamy). Gabby wanted my mom to hire people to set everything up because Gabby thought it was too much work to put out plates and make a balloon arch and even suggested my mom have the bridal shower at a $10,000 venue that doesn't allow decor. Like ok girl who's going to cough that mula up??? Ok so there’s that, but none of these were done directly to me. So now let's get to what I've been experiencing with her personally...

1.        She asked me to send her the games for the bridal shower, so I sent her a PDF I had bought on Etsy of bridal shower games. She then responds with “Are you going to be a bridezilla the whole time or can I do something?” Like WTH, she liiiiiterally told me to send her the games!!!

2.        I told her I didn't want penises for my Bachelorette party, and she threw an entire hissy fit over it and ultimately said “Ok so what you actually want is a boring bachelorette.” Ummm no???

3.        Bridal shower planning kept moving forward and all of the bridesmaids were on board. Everyone had their own responsibilities; Gabby's responsibilities were to bring the wine (for a literal Pizza & Wine themed bridal shower), the ice for the drinks, some drink buckets to chill the wine, and water. She agreed to this. All of my sweet bridesmaids were showing up to the venue 2 hours early to set up for my bridal shower at the agreed upon time that has been known for weeks - which Gabby also agreed to. Gabby shows up an hour and a half late (which is 30 minutes before the event starts) empty handed with just water saying “woops I forgot everything else”.  Even though she AGREED to her responsibilities and was reminded multiple times by bridesmaids and my mom over the course of like four weeks. It's literally pizza & wine themed!! How can you forget even without a reminder?!

4.        Even worse, all of the other bridesmaids were telling me that she completely ignored my mom’s delegations during the little time there was left to set up and they also told me that she was trying to turn them all against my mom. I also noticed her ignoring anything my mom said during the bridal shower and she had such a negative attitude that the bridesmaids (the nexgt day) told me that she made them feel so uncomfortable.

5.        Ohh yeah, we live in an area with a lot of traffic so I made sure to get in my Uber to arrive to my bridal shower on time. But I ended up arriving 15 minutes early and instead of my maid of honor being excited to see me, her greeting is “Why did you have to come early?”

I really don't want negative attitudes and energies around me on the big day. And I don't want my mom to feel uncomfortable when she’s with all us girls getting ready. I want to have a fun girly day and I want my mom and bridesmaids to feel comfortable. I am thinking of removing her from the bridal party. She is has been such a rude & negative nellie and I have anxiety tied to all of my events because of her!! Thoughts??


Re: Rude MOH??

  • Have you actually talked to her about what's going on?? 

    All of this sounds like there's something off especially if this behavior for her came out of left field.  But if it came out of left field and she's your maid of honor, don't you want to resolve what's going on?  Removing someone from your bridal party is friendship ending.  Do you want to be friends with her after your wedding?   

    What I'd do: Talk to her.  Mention to her that you noticed she has sounded negative when you bring up ideas and when you showed up early to the bridal shower she snapped at you and that when you mentioned not wanting penises for your bachelorette party she said that would be boring and it hurt your feelings.  Talk about the specific actions and don't categorize the action - talk about how the specific instance made you feel.  And then see if you two can clear the air. 
  • Thank you so much for your response!!

    I did actually talk to her after the occurrence of first two points listed, to which she did apologize for so I was thinking she would be more conscientious of it moving forward, but then the bridal shower came along and she was so rude & negative once again, and it was affecting everyone around her! 
  • I'd talk to her about the bridal shower then.  But again, just mention how she seemed and how it seems like something is wrong and you noticed that she has a tendency to make comments that feel off putting.

    If this is someone who is close enough to be one of your dearest friends then I'd lead in with that as the main deal of the discussion.  The wedding isn't the ultimate event - it's AN event in your lives but you also feel like she's tense related to these events.   
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