Dear Prudence,
I feel like I recently had an epiphany that just hurts me all the way to my core. My best friend is a male and also my ex. We haven’t dated for over a year. But when we reconnected and decided that we wanted to stay in each other’s lives, we became as close as I feel any platonic relationship can.
He saved me in every way another human can, even reporting my incident of trying to OD to first responders. I wouldn’t be alive and well, if it wasn’t for him. We have supported each other through so much, which has made us grow very close. In fact, we say we love each other platonically and often say that we feel like siblings.
But recently, I feel like our friendship is doomed and will inevitably end despite our efforts to make it work. He has started dating another woman and has been introducing her to his male friends and family. These male friends I have come to know and care for as well. I expected dating other people while being close friends to go smoother than it has. Instead, now it feels like everyone, his male friends, his family, and his new partner all feel uncomfortable by my existence. Plus it doesn’t help that he insists on keeping his new partner and I separated, thus I haven’t met her despite my efforts and willingness too.
I can’t help but feel like eventually something or someone in his life will have to give and that will happen to be me and my friendship with him. I used to find people who told me “exes can’t be friends” to be rude and simple minded, but now I am starting to feel that they were wise and I’m just delusional or naïve. Prudence, how do I navigate having a best friend of the opposite sex while trying to date? How can everyone just be comfortable and at peace by both myself and his partner existing in his life at the same time?
—Doomed Platonic Friend