You're planning things WAY too far in advance.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I have four best friends I’ve known since childhood where I know the feeling is mutual, have already been their bridesmaids, etc. and who I’ve already asked to be my child’s godparents which they happily accepted. I also have a friend I’ve made in adulthood who I know has “best friends” who aren’t me. My question is about this newer friend. I want them to be one of my child’s godmothers, and would want them as one of my bridesmaids (the latter not a “right now” issue). For various reasons, this “newer” friend (around six years) has been an incredibly influential, fun, and supportive friend and I love them very much. I think they would be a great role model for my child and I would like to ask them to have this role both because of this, and as a way of acknowledging how special they are to me.

I know I’m one of their close friends but not one of their best friends. I suppose my anxiety has to do with highlighting ’”best” friends in a public ceremony and so potentially confronting the mismatch—but they are one of my best friends and I want to acknowledge them as one. My (insecure?) fear is that they’ll say yes unwillingly! Godparent seems more loaded than bridesmaid but I’m unsure why. (For context: My child’s guardians in the event of death are family members not godparents!) Does it matter if you know you aren’t your best friend’s best friend when it comes to ceremonious life events?

—Honor or Awkward?

banana468

Are you a parent or planning a wedding?!? 

MyNameIsNot

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and and the other's gold. And now every former girl scout can have an earworm. 

This is completely ridiculous. Also, who has a gaggle of godmothers? 

mrsconn23

Calling all your close friends godmothers or aunties to your kids, I totally understand.  And I understand that there are people who religiously and/or culturally believe the godparents are committing to taking your child in the event of your passing and raising it them in the way you want them to be raised (or close to it, you know). 

Tying this to who or who is not a bridesmaid and who to name godmother to kids you don't have yet is where this train derails.  

Also, LW doesn't even mention being engaged.  This all very cart before the horse. 

This letter makes me think of Hmo and her friendship 'tiers'.  LW needs to make a chart and start working the tiers.  LOL 

banana468

Yup.  It also makes me think that the LW is maybe....24?  And with no marriage prospects yet they're still very much close to old friends and new and trying to figure it out.  But instead of determining how new friendships phase in the LW is figuring out who will be a godmother to their imaginary children. 

You have to hope that a future partner will be OK to just go along for the ride. 

charlotte989875

I’m calling it that the LW isn’t pregnant nor do they actually have any children. 

levioosa

charlotte989875 said:

I’m calling it that the LW isn’t pregnant nor do they actually have any children. 

SITB

Or even engaged.

MNNEBride

charlotte989875 said:

I’m calling it that the LW isn’t pregnant nor do they actually have any children. 

And friendships can change greatly before either of those things happen!

banana468

Now that I've re-read it seems like LW may have kids but isn't married??   Still, I don't get this and still question how old they are when...who is and isn't your BM is a big deal only when you're at the 'everyone is getting married' age.