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I'm concerned something bad is happening to Lia outside of your care.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I are gay. We live in a deeply red state and can’t afford to leave. I am the stay-at-home parent for our 6-month-old son. My sister-in-law is in the process of getting a divorce and had to start a new job after being a stay-at-home mom. She has a 4-year-old daughter, “Lia.” I started watching Lia, and shortly after, she started saying I would do awful things to her like I pinched her or hit her if I changed her clothes or stepped on her toes if I picked her up. She throws tantrums saying that I’m not her dad and am kidnapping her. This has happened in public more than once. Every time it happens, I have an anxiety attack and worry that someone will take it too seriously or too far. This is a gun-friendly place. It has gotten to a point where I can’t run errands while watching Lia. I don’t want to be out in public with her. My sister-in-law refuses to take this seriously and my husband accused me of being paranoid because I wanted to put cameras in our house. Lia continues to do this no matter how much I correct her. I am this close to telling my sister-in-law to find other child care but I think it might blow up my marriage. I feel trapped. Can you help?

—Panicking

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Re: I'm concerned something bad is happening to Lia outside of your care.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tell your SIL that Lia has public outbursts that put her and your safety at risk.  

    At pick up, address them with her mom. "Hi Janice!  Let's talk to Lia about our day.  Lia when we went into the grocery store can you tell her about what you yelled and why you wanted to yell it??" 

    In this digital era I'd take out my phone if she did it without the H or SIL present.  And if they don't acknowledge that this needs to be addressed then set your boundary. 
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm worried about this girl being abused or coached to claim LW is abusing her. I also wonder which red state they're in. 

    I understand LW's concerns for themselves, but that can be fixed by not taking Lia out in public.  Yes, it sucks and may make them rearrange their time, but it's not a risk I'd take any longer. 

    But I'd also start with my spouse, because at the end of it, it's a husband problem vs. Lia and SIL since they get to leave and LW is stuck with their H not backing them up.  I would take a video of the child having a meltdown, but only show it to the H at first.  LW has to get H on board before anything else will work with SIL.

    Also, you ARE paranoid LW. For good reason. 

    And if LW's H doesn't come around, then LW has their answer.  They have decisions to make for themselves. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There are so many things that could be going on but none of them are good. Record it, show your husband and if he doesn’t understand then stop watching Lia. Or sucks but you need to protect yourself. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would not be watching Lia anymore. Full stop. If it blows up your marriage, that's because your husband does not have your back. 

    If you can't afford to move, you can't afford the legal expenses that abuse allegations will cost you. 
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