Dear Prudence,
My daughter went to live with her father full time when she was 13. I just couldn’t compete with all the spoiling and non parenting that he did. I work two jobs and got little in the way of child support. My daughter is 23 now and knows this. She just doesn’t care.
The only time she wants to talk to me is when she runs out of money to fund her fancy influencer lifestyle. I have begged her to see a counselor and go back to school. She doesn’t want to. She wants to live an affluent life living off the men she dates. This isn’t the adult I wanted her to be. This isn’t the girl I raised. I lost her along the way and am afraid I will never see her again. Every time she calls we fall into the same toxic cycle. She says the most vicious things to me if she doesn’t get her way—tells me she hates me, I am so ugly I embarrass her, no wonder her father divorced me.
After seeing a counselor, I started to stand up for myself and tell my daughter that I love her but until she learns to treat me with respect or else I don’t want to hear from her. It has been six months since I have spoken to her. The peace and lack of stress make me want to weep. I have since moved and started a new job. People ask me about myself. I don’t know what to say. Bringing up my daughter just feels like scratching old wounds bloody again. What do I say to them?
—Daughter Gone Not Dead