Dear Prudence,
How do you politely deal with someone who changes the plan every time you see each other? Some examples: trying to change the location of someone else’s birthday party; agreeing to go out for lunch and deciding once they’re in the car that they want to eat fast food instead of sitting down somewhere; agreeing to one place for ordering food with a group and then changing their mind, causing an hour or more delay; making plans to go shopping and then wanting to go home after an hour to do chores.
The default answer from this person is “Can’t you just come over/do what I want?” or not seeing them. The constant barking by their two dogs leaves me shell-shocked after leaving their house, plus they have an unpleasant guest living with them that I don’t want to see as regularly as I do the host. I understand that I need to be flexible to a point, but how do you politely set the boundary? I’d rather not eat a disappointing burger in my car in the parking lot of Home Goods when I had mentally planned to sit down and enjoy a relaxed meal. I’m starting to feel like a chauffeur.
—Can’t Bend Over Backward