Only do things for yourself, not others.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I am a woman in her late 40s working in the environmental industry. I love outdoor sports like cycling, hiking, and climbing, and my skin shows it. I have tattoos, vitiligo (a skin condition that causes uneven, irregularly shaped white spots), and darkened spots as I’m getting older. I have always worn tank tops, shorts, or whatever I feel like. But there’s something else my skin has a lot of: bruises. I’ve always bruised easily, and my love of outdoor recreation and physical activity comes with trips, falls, bumps, and bangs—it’s just what happens.

A few years ago, I broke my leg in a cycling accident, and since then my balance has been off and I am even more prone to minor injuries—thus, more bruises. I have started to become aware of more attention to my skin from strangers, and on a few occasions have had kind folks ask me if I’m safe at home. I am, although I appreciate the intent. I’ve never felt the need to cover up bruises in any way. It’s my body and it serves me well, and I’m going to enjoy it while I’m fully able.

But I’m now considering covering up bruises for the comfort of people who don’t know me well, particularly those who might equate bruises with abuse or health issues. (And no, I do not have an underlying health issue.) For some reason, people staring at my vitiligo or asking questions about whether I was burned in an accident have never bothered me. People staring at bruises is starting to. Should I continue to be myself and wear what I want, or cover up what seems to bother people?

—Bruised Ego

banana468

You do you.

That said, know that there are plenty of people with personality types that ask inappropriate questions.   If fielding them even down to the "And how is that any of your business?" isn't what you want to deal with then add a sleeve or pants. 

I have vitiligo myself and I'm somewhat grateful that I'm super pale so it's not easily seen.  Coupled with that I have a big purple birthmark that looks like a giant bruise but isn't.  I'm asked about it all the time and it doesn't bother me but I think if it was more pronounced and I had more I would feel like I needed to consider how I dressed.  I try to avoid short sleeves when I have client meetings just so they don't say, "OMG what did you do to your arm?!" 

MyNameIsNot

As I've started doing more outdoor sports I've gotten a lot more scrapes and bruises. I haven't had anything especially awful, but sometimes it does look like I got into a fight with a bobcat. My go to is that it's "just a sign of a life well lived!" 

They're strangers. The object is to get them to go away, not to convince them of anything.