Y'all should probably keep separate houses.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My partner and I have been together five years but lived separately because of his two teenagers. The youngest just turned 18 and has joined the military. The older one is in college and living off campus. I own my home and my partner is renting. We are in serious conflict over what to look for. I am fine with a smaller home (three bedrooms or less) as long as it is close to my work and has a place for a garden. My partner wants a huge place because he assumes that his kids and future grandkids are going to hang out in our house all the time. I am fine with having a guest room, but I think this is crazy.

My partner is not one to pick up chores. He is a tidy person, but I know the cleaning is going to fall on me. I feel like the future we are planning together is slowly squeezing me out. His kids were almost never at the house he rented after the divorce. They wanted to be near all their friends at their mom’s. This is a huge sticking point between us. Am I nuts for wanting to pump the brakes here?

—Too Many Rooms

banana468

Um, this is a major space conflict, time conflict and financial conflict.  You two aren't on the same page in anything and he's wanting you to finance his future space on pie in the sky fantasy.  

Buy the house for your reality.  It's laughable that he wants a house for future grandkids when neither of them are reproducing anytime soon and I'd take that hard line.  There can be other houses and movement if needed but it's not making financial or environmental sense to buy a house for people who do not live there nor exist.

charlotte989875

His kids are 18 and likely 19-22 and he’s planning for grandkids? 

Pump the breaks, put your foot down, slow the roll, whatever you call but this is nuts. If you want to consolidate spaces buy with your reality in mind. If one kid is in the military how often are they actually going to be at the house? Also- can you afford a much larger space? And a cleaning service because it’s not fair to expect it to all fall to you. 

ei34

I'd definitely be pumping the breaks on living together.  Sounds like LW is content in their current home (which they own!).  There wasn't even the usual "my partner is the best, but..." sentence thrown in.  Nothing wrong with living apart, even after five years.

MyNameIsNot

I wouldn't move in with someone that doesn't clean, full stop. 

But even if the housework wasn't all going to fall on LW, my best offer here would be to keep my house and rent it out while agreeing to live with him in whatever house he buys with his own money.