You should have friends that value your time.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

After a lifetime of being chronically accommodating and not believing I had the right to ask for basically anything in my friendships, I’m trying to turn over a new leaf! I’m still very scared, though, that a voiced need going unmet will be worse than a suppressed one.

For example, today I had plans to meet up with two good friends at a local park to have a picnic. We agreed on a plan about a week in advance to spend about half the day in the park, so the mom in the group could get some adult time while her kids played nearby. I offered to pack the food because I love to set up nice picnic spreads and thought it would help them get out the door. I didn’t expect anyone to arrive exactly on time, but both women ended up being extremely late—a little over an hour and a half for both of them.

It’s all very understandable, the mom had a hard time getting the kids out the door and the other friend got caught up with some errands and didn’t realize I was just at the park alone waiting for them with my picnic spread. Both of them said they would be a little late, but didn’t send any updates after that so I was just hanging in the park wondering from the 45-minute mark onward if I should just pack up and leave. I was pretty bummed out by the time they finally arrived but I couldn’t come up with the words to express myself so I just shrugged it off. The first hour of our hang was a little awkward and eventually I felt a little more warmed up but I wouldn’t say we ever really got to the point of having a fun time.

I guess how I’m feeling is that I get that it’s tough to be a mom to young kids and to get through your errands and everything to spend time with your friends, but I just felt overlooked and embarrassed. It’s not like I had anywhere to be, or that it was a huge imposition to just be sitting in a shady park with snacks and drinks—but I was still pretty hurt and I just don’t know what to say or if I should just let it go and chalk it up to things just not working out sometimes. Honestly, maybe I should have just bought a book and then I wouldn’t have felt so lonely! I think I’m afraid they’ll both be like “sorry you felt that way” and then just … some kind of rejection. I’ve been in this situation before with a very close friend who completely rejected a mild bid for repairing hurt feelings and it really derailed our friendship.

—Been Here Before

banana468

That length of time with no check in is inexcusable. 

I'd start the texting with a follow up that quantifies the time, "OK if you're running late when do you think you'll be here?  I left already so any time updates are appreciated." 

And if this persists stop being available.   Invent a reason to leave and stick to it "I Have to be out by 4 so I understand if you still have issues with the kiddos but it's 3:30 so please let me know if I should just head out now." 

MyNameIsNot

You need to stop being a doormat. Sure, people have other shit, but these are people who are disrespecting you or just using you for the spread. You need to stand up for yourself, because no one else will. Texting 5 minutes after you're supposed to meet that kid had a conniption and you'll be 15 minutes late is one thing. Showing up 90 minutes late with no communication is something completely different. 

At 30 minutes, you should have packed everything up and left. 

ei34

I wouldn't have waited that long.  Neither errands nor my kids have ever caused me to be that late (or stopped me from sending an update text??) so both friends are super wrong here.
That OP has been in this situation before (with different friends) would definitely launch me into setting boundaries with friends.  I'd speak up.

levioosa

An hour and a half! And not even a text! That's so disrespectful. Even if my hands were full I'd use the option on my car/Siri to say "Text Susan, tell her, "Running late, so sorry, eta is X." 

ILoveBeachMusic

Having kids is not an excuse for being rude. I never ran that late with 3 kids.The friends could have and should have texted to say they were running late and needed to reschedule (that late is ridiculous barring an emergency). LW would not have been wrong to have texted saying something along the lines of "obviously something has come up so that we need to reschedule. I need to get going. Hope we can work something out another time". I just can't with people who are that late (says the daughter of a Navy man who is chronically early).