Dear Prudence,
I accidentally led my family to believe that my husband is a trans man… he’s not, but I kind of don’t want to correct them. I’ve been with my husband Ryan for over 10 years and my family has always really loved him. Ryan is a very masculine powerlifter with a big beard, and apparently, once during a heated argument about trans people, I commented something like, “A lot of trans men look like Ryan and you would never even know they’re trans because there’s no one way to be trans and it’s none of your business anyway.” My cousin just let me know that ever since then, my family has just assumed that was my way of saying Ryan is actually trans. But from that point on, my normally very conservative family has significantly shut up with the homophobia and transphobia, and they all still really love Ryan.
I wouldn’t exactly call them allies now, but I think it’s been great for them to think they know and love a trans person! Is there any harm in letting them continue with their assumption? We’ve long since taken the idea of kids off the table, which is I think the only time it might come up, as inappropriate as that would be. Ryan himself says he doesn’t care either way.
—Here’s to Growth, I Guess!