Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. Everything is going really well, except one thing: My boyfriend thinks I am choosing things that are the opposite of his opinions just because they aren’t what he chose. For reference, I have a hard time making decisions, especially on big things. I often get advice from others, although I take their advice as one opinion of many which can be used to help me decide what I want. My boyfriend and I were going out over the weekend and I couldn’t decide between two dresses. I asked for my boyfriend’s advice and he told me which one I should choose and why he liked it better. After hearing what he said, I realized the other dress would probably be better for where we were going. I told him this and he said, “of course you chose the one I didn’t.” Then he huffed out.
We got into a huge fight where he said I intentionally chose the opposite of what he wanted because I didn’t trust him and wanted to embarrass him. He started listing instances in the past where that happened. I reminded him of the times when I did take his advice, but he brushed it off as the exception, not the rule. I tried to convince him that I did trust him and just needed an outside opinion to help me figure out what I wanted. He retorted back that if I didn’t respect his opinion, I shouldn’t ask for it and should learn to make decisions like an adult. He stormed out and we haven’t talked since.
I’m feeling really bad. I know that people have different ideas about how to give and ask for advice, but a part of me feels like my boyfriend reacted way too harshly. Am I being too insensitive about how he feels? A part of me also feels like his reaction is maybe a bit of a red flag, what do you think?
—Advice Problems