Dear Prudence,
My first marriage happened because we were both too young and too stubborn to listen to people telling us to wait. My divorce happened because they were right. My ex and I stayed friendly and I even attended his second wedding. His family always was warm and welcoming to me. I was often involved in family events since I didn’t have much family myself. I am an honorary aunt to his two children. Then the unthinkable happened and his wife died. I attended the funeral and even took the kids over the summer so their father could process his grief.
That was two years ago. He is currently seeing “Kayla.” I don’t know if marriage is in the cards, but he is very serious about her. The first time I met Kayla, she seemed kind and comfortable with our friendship. That was a facade. At the retirement party of a relative, Kayla cornered me and bluntly told me to “back off.” She didn’t want me around, and said it was pathetic how I kept sticking myself into this family. It shocked me to my core because Kayla then turned around with a smile and acted like nothing happened.
I am at a loss at what to do. Everyone in the family likes Kayla and thinks the relationship is positive. I have skipped a few events, including one of the kids’ birthdays. I sent a present but part of me is ashamed about how cowardly I am acting. I have been a part of this family for over seventeen years. What do I do here? I can’t believe anyone would consider me a romantic threat rather than a friend. I considered his late wife to be to a true friend of mine.
—At a Loss