How many times should I remind people to rsvp?

knottie852e434ad1d93af5

Hello!

I am getting married on Halloween this year and we have about 32 days left! But we have about 13 people who we have already spoken with twice who still haven't RSVP'd yet. We sent out invites out early because our wedding is during the week and also on a holiday, so we wanted to give people time to request off (we sent them in June) the RSVP'd windows passed last week and we had talks with people during that time to find out if they were coming and each time they would say they have to check. We have done this twice now. Now my question is, should I reach out again since I haven't heard anything back or should I just take this as a sign they aren't coming and mark them declined?

Thank you!

MyNameIsNot

knottie852e434ad1d93af5 said:

Hello!

I am getting married on Halloween this year and we have about 32 days left! But we have about 13 people who we have already spoken with twice who still haven't RSVP'd yet. We sent out invites out early because our wedding is during the week and also on a holiday, so we wanted to give people time to request off (we sent them in June) the RSVP'd windows passed last week and we had talks with people during that time to find out if they were coming and each time they would say they have to check. We have done this twice now. Now my question is, should I reach out again since I haven't heard anything back or should I just take this as a sign they aren't coming and mark them declined?

Thank you!

Well, part of the issue is that your RSVP date is too early. It shouldn't be more than 2-3 weeks before the wedding, because people's plans change. People don't want to say yes too early and have to back out later. 

When you get to the point where you have to have hard numbers into your caterer, do one last reach out and put it on them. "I still haven't heard whether you're planning to attend the wedding. If I don't hear from you by Tuesday, I'll mark you down as a no." 

ei34

Definitely way too early.  If you want guests to know in advance - and I get your concern over it being a weekday and holiday - but that's exactly what save the dates are for.  Receiving an invitation to a wedding 4-5 months out, with a coordinating too-early RSVP, is expecting too much of guests.

Agree to get the actual date the caterer/venue needs hard numbers.  Reach out to the 13 people 1-2 days before then.  And let them know that if you don't have a reply by then (realistically, Oct 17th or so) they'll be marked down as a no.

banana468

I'll echo the others.  People know that venues don't need numbers that early, can't confirm that early and consequently will not respond in time for that deadline.  

Look at when you need to give the first of the hard numbers to your venue and back that up by a couple days.  Call the non responders now that your response date has passed and then say that you need a firm answer by the date that is a few day before hard #s are in.  Let them know that if you don't hear from them by that date you will consider them a no and look forward to seeing them soon.

For the future, do not have response dates that are so far out from the actual event date.  It can feel like that's helpful but the reality is that it can be setting you up to have to chase down people who are not able to pinpoint dates.   

FWIW life changes.  Now that I'm married with kids who have their own schedules and social lives I can't commit too far out because we have things that drop into the schedule that may require my time like tournaments for team sports or school events and those are particularly problematic when you pick a date like Halloween.