Dear Prudence,
My husband’s side of the family treats us differently than the rest of the family, and it’s been more pronounced ever since we had children. They routinely do things without us and don’t invite us, and when we ask why we weren’t invited they usually say, “We thought you wouldn’t come.” My mother-in-law buys me a scarf every single Christmas, despite the fact that I never have worn a single scarf in my entire life; yet she buys my other sister-in-law tons of gifts.
She makes comments about my husband’s sister “finally having the sister she’s always wanted” in relation to my sister-in-law, despite me having been part of the family for over a decade longer. Part of me wonders if it’s a money thing—my husband and I are the most educated members of the family and make a better income than the rest of them. Are they jealous? Do they feel like they can’t relate to us? I cannot figure it out and it’s driving me nuts!
Part of me just wants to accept that this is the family dynamic and try to forget about it, but it continues to eat away at me with every situation that arises. This past weekend, my husband’s brother had a Family Day at the army base he’s stationed at—I didn’t know this had happened until I saw pictures of our entire extended family at the event over social media, and when my husband asked his brother about it, once again he was told, “I thought you wouldn’t want to come.” I’m genuinely in need of advice on how to handle this family dynamic moving forward.
—Black Sheep of the Family