Dear Prudence,
I’m a college student originally from India, and I’ve been in the U.S. for about a year now, trying to get used to how different things are here—especially dating. Recently, I had the first date from hell with another student at my university. We ended up going to Shake Shack, which seemed like a relaxed and popular place.
Everything was fine until she ordered this huge burger with two patties. I was genuinely surprised, so I made what I thought was a lighthearted comment, “Why do girls always order things they can’t finish?” Back home, teasing someone about their food choices is just a way of connecting, something playful. But she got really cold and defensive, saying she would finish it and didn’t like my “attitude.” I wasn’t sure what she meant—there was no attitude! I was just trying to make conversation.
Trying to keep the mood light, I said something we often say back home: “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” In India, people talk about food and health like that all the time—it’s just something we laugh about. But instead of taking it lightly, she looked at me like I’d just insulted her, grabbed her burger, and stormed out of the restaurant without even saying goodbye.
I was sitting there, totally confused. Where I’m from, people don’t take food jokes seriously at all. We talk about portions, health, everything, and it’s never a big deal. Did I miss something here? Is this just a cultural difference I didn’t understand, or was she just being really rude? I don’t want to assume the worst, but it feels like I accidentally walked into some cultural minefield.
—Flustered Foreigner