Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I have been dating since freshman year of college (about 3.5 years). We both graduated last May and have been looking for work. I am currently doing an internship and working part-time. The other day, he told me that he accepted a job to teach English overseas. He was so excited about the prospect of traveling and seeing the world. When I asked him about us and our future together, he said that he’d only be gone for two years and that we’d be fine with the long-distance thing.
I am utterly heartbroken over this. He never talked to me or asked my opinion before taking this job. I am devastated that he’s just leaving me like this. I don’t know what to do. I know that if I throw down an ultimatum (i.e., “You can take this job or you can be with me, but you can’t have both”), he’ll resent me. But right now, I resent him! I’m so upset that he’s just abandoning me like this and throwing our relationship away.
I always thought that we would get married and have kids. I thought that was what he wanted. He’s claiming that we can get married and have kids when he comes back, but I don’t want to wait two whole years. And besides, when he comes back, he’ll have to find a job and establish himself over here.
I feel like I’m trapped. I feel like he is asking me to put my life on hold for him. I don’t know what to do. He’s told me numerous times that he loves me, but he didn’t even ask if I wanted to come along with him on his international adventure. He just expects me to sit and wait for him, and I don’t want to do that. I know that I can’t force him to stay because he’ll resent me, but if he leaves, I’ll resent him. Heck, I already resent him for taking this job without discussing it with me. What can I do?
—Abandoned