Dear Prudence,
My sister-in-law, a nice way to put it, is an activist. If there is a cause she believes in, she is all in and close to 100 percent of her focus can be on that cause. If that cause is resolved or falls out of favor with her, she has another to replace it. It is like she thrives on “righting (in her opinion) what is wrong.” Up until now, it has been just an annoyance, usually asking us for our time and/or money for one of her causes/fundraiser/protests, etc.
I am almost 60 years old and because of a serious car accident a few years ago, I have limited use of my arm and shoulder, but not bad enough for me to file for disability. My employer was accommodating with my restrictions involving lifting weight and height, and I was assigned a job that worked well for my needs. Due to an upgrade in a system, my job was eliminated and due to the style of work (physically demanding manufacturing) and my age, the company decided that there isn’t a job that I could do within the facility. So after almost 30 years working there, I am out of a job.
The company has allowed me to file for the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and short-term disability pay, use up my banked sick time and vacation time, and that will take me to the first of the year, where I will get more vacation time. When that runs out, I will file for unemployment. After that, I feel I am well off enough financially to make it to 62 and collect Social Security and cover insurance until I get Medicare. I feel the company went above and beyond with my situation as they could have “kicked me to the curb” immediately.
My SIL feels that it is a “classic case of age and disability discrimination” and vowed to fight for me. I don’t want her to. Yes, she might be right. Yes, I could sue. Yes, I could maybe get my job back. But what if it is a case of, “I won the battle but lost the war” and they find some reason to fire me shortly after I get my job back. What if I lose the lawsuit? I would be on the hook for lawyer and court fees. I asked her repeatedly not to get involved, but I found out she contacted HR asking questions “on my behalf” according to her (she didn’t get any answers of course), and has had several lawyers who specialize in age/disability discrimination contact me. So right now, I am 100 percent of her focus for her activism because I am a “victim” and she vows to make things right. Whether she is right or wrong, I don’t want her to be an advocate for me. I have told her multiple times not to worry about it, as things will be okay in the long run. What can I say or do to make her stop? I hate to say this, but I wish a disaster, protest, or other cause would happen to take her focus off of me.
—Don’t Want SIL’s Help