Dear Prudence,
I am in my early 30s and, while I have dated casually on and off over the years, I have never had what could be considered a serious relationship. It’s always fallen in the category of “things that would be nice” but I’ve worked hard to build a life that makes me happy outside of romantic relationships.
Until this year, my best friend was in the same boat. Then, this spring, she met someone and fell hard and fast. I’m really happy for her! Her partner is kind and supportive, and the two of them are great together. But now, every time we catch up, she immediately turns it into a conversation about how much better my life would be if I were seeing someone. If I’m asking for advice on a tricky work situation? Well, if I had a partner like hers to back me up, then it wouldn’t be happening. Telling a funny story about my latest date that flopped? Obviously, I need to get better at trusting my judgment because she knew right away that her partner was a good fit and I’m just wasting my time. I could list other examples but honestly, it just bums me out. I know that friendships change as people get older and have different priorities and I know that she’s really excited about this wonderful new relationship. But I miss my friend!
It hurts when I feel like she isn’t listening to what I have to say or isn’t interested in what’s happening in my life because it’s not a romantic update. I’ve had some big changes in my life recently and telling her about them has most often been met with (and I’m paraphrasing here), “That’s nice but have you considered finding someone to get serious with?” We feel out of sync in a way we never have before and I don’t like it! How do I start a conversation with her about this disconnect in a way that doesn’t come across as me shutting down hearing about her love life?