Well, you DIDN'T ban kids...

Casadena

Dear Prudence, 

My fiancée and I decided on a child-free wedding. It wasn’t an easy decision, but with limited space and budget, we thought it was the best way to keep things manageable. We made one exception: my 8-year-old niece, who’s going to be the flower girl. She’s at a great age for it, and my fiancée and I adore her.

Unfortunately, my sister is upset that her 6-year-old daughter wasn’t invited. She says it’s unfair that her daughter can’t attend when her cousin is not only coming but has a special role. Apparently, her daughter is devastated and cries whenever the wedding comes up. I feel bad for my niece, but I don’t think it’s fair to open the floodgates for everyone else’s kids just because one child is upset.

My sister keeps asking us to make an exception, saying her daughter is close to the flower girl and won’t understand why she can’t go. I’ve explained that it’s not about favoritism—it’s about keeping things simple. Still, she insists we’re causing unnecessary drama. I feel like this isn’t really about her daughter but more about my sister feeling slighted. She’s even hinted that she might skip the wedding to support her daughter, which feels extreme. I don’t think we’re being unreasonable. We made a decision for our wedding, and we’re trying to stick to it. How do I navigate this without caving to my sister’s demands or creating a long-term rift?

—Stuck in Wedding Drama

levioosa

I kind of see both sides. It does seem arbitrary to invite one niece but not the other. It's why we encourage inviting in circles. That being said, sister is being a lot here. I totally get the sense that sister is oversharing with her literal six year old about how unfair it is and that's causing undue stress for the child.  Or six year old is totally fine and sister is just projecting. But is this the hill to die on? I don't know.

charlotte989875

Everyone is wrong here. I think LW should just I big the niece because they’re cousins and one gets to be a FG and the other doesn’t even get to attend. Does she have to? No, but seems like a good thing to do. 

Sister also shouldn’t have told her daughter any of the details about cousin being an FG and her not being invited. Mom absolutely played a role in daughter being disappointed. 

Casadena

I think this is super shitty. 6 is not too young to pick up on this stuff (even though it's obvious the mom is exacerbating the issue). But seriously asking one niece that you "adore" to be your flower girl and then not even inviting your other niece? I think LW and FI are absolutely in the wrong here even if the sister is being kind of obnoxious about it. If you don't want kids, don't have kids there. But don't cherry pick. It's mean and unnecessary. 

banana468

This kind of seemed like a recipe for disaster from all the adults here with kids just innocent.

LW isn't saying why they went for once niece over the other but the difference between 6 and 8 isn't that huge.  I think the LW made a big screw up by asking for one niece to be FG and the other isn't even invited.  Inviting in circles is so much better.

And the sister is stirring the pot.  She's not helping the cause and that's creating additional issues.  But the issues could have been avoided if the bride paid attention to optics here. 

MyNameIsNot

I'm team "kids ruin everything" and even I think it's super shitty to have one niece be flower girl and completely exclude the other. 

This is pretty obviously favoritism. Sister is being over the top, but I would too if my sister did this to my kid. 

ILoveBeachMusic

Yes sister is being over the top. However, she says the two cousins are close so maybe the 8 year old has also been talking about being a flower girl. If I only had 2 nieces, I would invite both to be flower girls. Sister shouldn't be making such a scene but LW is wrong in not including her other niece since it sounds like those girls are the only children in the family - she didn't mention other nieces and nephews. 

flantastic

This is one of those things where you have the right to do X (not invite the 6yo) but the sister and the niece also have the right to feel Y (like she's being arbitrarily excluded).