Can your H take on more meal prep?

Casadena

My husband is pushing for us to take foster custody of our niece while his sister (her mom) goes through drug treatment. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I already feel stretched very thin by full-time work and being the primary parent for our three kids in middle school. My husband was more involved when the kids were little and how much I do at home is already a huge point of friction in our marriage. He took a promotion and disappeared into his job, mostly because he incurred significant medical debt a few years ago and we have to pay it off. Right now, I’m unwillingly the person who cooks all our meals and grocery shops. As someone with an anorexia history, this whole chore makes me anxious to tears on a weekly basis. My husband’s work schedule means he can’t take it on, although he’s been trying to get better hours to change this.

Our niece has pretty restrictive eating issues (think: ARFID) in addition to a serious allergy to a very common food. Fostering would involve normal challenges (emotional adjustment, therapy, new school, scheduling), which I think I could handle for a few months. But the idea of having to rework most things we eat and keep in the house pushes me over the edge. I already hate this whole task and having to do all of it again from scratch seems impossible. What can I do?

—Ungenerous Aunt

banana468

Talk to your H about the hours that you're anticipating and let him know where you need him to be to make this arrangemetn possible. 

MyNameIsNot

The food is the biggest flag here, but the real problem is that your husband is not being a partner, and now he wants you to take on another child.

To me, the answer is no, unless he's going to find a way to be at home and take care of all of these kids at least half the time. 

levioosa

I'm going to sound heartless, but I don't think LW and her H have the emotional ability to take on another child right now, let alone one with special needs. If LW is being moved to tears weekly with meal prep, she desperately needs therapy. As someone with a recovered eating disorder, there are times I catch myself pulling to old ways, or shame spiral thoughts about food choices, and while sometimes its work to reframe my thinking, I'm not having panic attacks or crying. That would be really extreme and would be a horrible way to live. We have to eat. You can't just avoid it. And when there's kids involved you have to be able to keep your own private thoughts to yourself because they will pick up if you're an Almond Mom and they'll internalize it. They certainly will pick up on resentment if you're having to rework the menu and crying while you slice a sandwich.