Wedding Woes

She doesn't want to meet, time to move on

Dear Prudence,

My online friend and I have been friends for years, and I really value her friendship and our nightly chats. We’ve talked about meeting in person one day, but it’s more just a vague future possibility than concrete plan. Sometimes, she wants to meet and invites me to visit, then backtracks, not ready to meet in person. This inconsistency has been draining, but I understand her hesitance. We are, after all, internet strangers.

Well, my friend just told me she’s planning to move abroad within the next couple years. I’m trying to be happy and excited—I understand why she’d want to leave the U.S.—but for me, this spells the end of our friendship. She means a lot to me, and a move abroad will end our nightly conversations (because of the time difference), and it will certainly end the possibility of ever meeting in person. I asked her if we could please meet up just once before she moves, and she said no.

My feelings are hurt. I’ve been holding onto the hope of meeting and looking forward to that for so long, only to have it wither and die right in front of me. How could I talk to her about this without her feeling like I’m dunking on her exciting plans? Or should I just not say anything at all because this move is about her, not me?

Re: She doesn't want to meet, time to move on

  • There’s a lot to unpack here but- it sounds like you both have different views and expectations of the friendship. She sees it as entirely virtually while you so not. She probably should have been more upfront and clear about that. But it sounds like you’re putting a lot on meeting in person where it sounds like you have deeper feelings than just friends. If that’s not then you need to spend some time figuring out why you’re so upset with not meeting her. 
  • Why is the potential future face to face meeting such a big deal for you? It sounds like you've been friends for years without that. Why does it matter so much to you? 

    I suspect Charlotte is right and you want to be more than friends. 
  • I'm not sure of the gender of OP, but honestly, this is catfish situation if I've ever heard of one.  I wonder if they've sent $$.
  • VarunaTT said:
    I'm not sure of the gender of OP, but honestly, this is catfish situation if I've ever heard of one.  I wonder if they've sent $$.
    "Nightly conversations" is raising my spidey senses of a monetary exchange for companionship here. 


    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards