Wedding Woes

Yes, you got a stricter job

Dear Prudence,

I work from home and down the street from an elementary school. I had a good relationship with my neighbor. She was a single mom with a 5-year-old and a 9-year-old. The kids couldn’t walk home unless someone was there, and the 9-year-old was a bit too young to babysit. I volunteered to make the walk after school and leave my back door unlocked so that if an emergency happened, the kids could come over.


It worked fine at first, but my neighbor kept adding more and more. First, it was after-school pickups, then morning drop-offs because her work schedule was so hectic. Then she wanted me to watch her kids on weekends. I felt trapped and guilty since I was raised by a single dad and basically acted as a second parent to my younger siblings. I wasn’t getting paid, and it felt like pulling teeth to get her to pay for the food her kids ate. Talking to her about it was just another guilt trip.

I hit my limit when she volunteered me to other mothers without checking with me first. Rather than alienating my entire small neighborhood, I went on a monthlong working holiday in December. Now I’m back home, and my neighbor has been love-bombing me and trying to sweet-talk me back into child care. She claims that her kids miss me. I enjoy her kids, but they like getting to watch unrestricted TV more than they like me. She isn’t taking no for an answer, or it doesn’t work for me anymore. I’m feeling pressed. Can I just lie and say I got a new, stricter job?

Re: Yes, you got a stricter job

  • Say no and then block her on everything.  If you see her outside, ignore her or walk away into your home with a locked door if she tries to make conversation.  She isn't taking no for an answer b/c OP is letting her.

    I feel like if OP says she got a stricter job, this lady will come back with more arguments and excuses.  OP needs to cut off access, totally.
  • banana468 said:
    Say no and you can do it without lying.  Be clear that you don't have the job that allows it, the space or the time and then leave it.

    I'm really sympathetic to situations with parents and know it takes a village but the village needs to take a hint. 
    I am saving this for future use.  :D
  • Have you actually said no or just hinted at it? 

    Say no again. If she keeps asking say “you’re making this really uncomfortable for me, I’ve already said this is not something I can do. Please stop asking.”
  • Have you actually said no or just hinted at it? 

    Say no again. If she keeps asking say “you’re making this really uncomfortable for me, I’ve already said this is not something I can do. Please stop asking.”
    I get the impression the LW hasn't set boundaries and instead has been avoiding having that conversation.  At best, they've hinted.

    Give a mouse a cookie.

    Because if she'd said no the first time she was asked to walk the kids in the morning.  Or the first time she was asked to babysit on the weekend.  Then it wouldn't have become an expectation.

    But she can still rewind this back and tell the neighbor she can ONLY walk them from school in the afternoon and leave the backdoor open.  And only for those children.  That all the rest was too much.  That's assuming she wants to go back to the old arrangement.  If not, then leave it at "I'm sorry I can't help anymore."

    Don't neighborhoods like this often have parents working together?  Trading babysitting.  Trading to/from school responsibilities.  Things like that.

    I realize the LW didn't disclose their gender, but I think we all know.

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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I also don't think LW has given a firm no, and is being avoidant (I mean a month-long vacation sounds nice, but all to avoid what would've been a tough decision?).  The kids aren't a borderline age where they could scrape by with pieced together childcare once in a while.  9 and especially 5yr olds need a concrete plan in place, whether it's after school or a permanent, paid daily baby-sitter, not hanging out in a home with their next door neighbor's back door unlocked just in case. 
  • ei34 said:
    I also don't think LW has given a firm no, and is being avoidant (I mean a month-long vacation sounds nice, but all to avoid what would've been a tough decision?).  The kids aren't a borderline age where they could scrape by with pieced together childcare once in a while.  9 and especially 5yr olds need a concrete plan in place, whether it's after school or a permanent, paid daily baby-sitter, not hanging out in a home with their next door neighbor's back door unlocked just in case. 
    Yup.  That was the age of my kids when Covid shut downs kicked in.  It was a nightmare for about two years with limited coverage, not a lot of activity and we used the screens so DH and I could work.   



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