Don't engage the complaints

Casadena

My parents retired to Florida three years ago. Since then, it has been a solid wall of complaints that we don’t visit enough and we are favoring my in-laws. My in-laws live in the same city as us and understand that my husband and I have professions that don’t stop for weekends or holidays. We usually will celebrate early or late, and our kids are just a little too old for the Santa myth.

My parents refuse to travel to us, despite the fact they have taken several international vacations. They put all the expense, hassle, and limited vacation time on us. I try to keep a weekly Zoom call for my kids to talk to my parents, but I am tired. It is me doing 90 percent of trying to maintain a relationship, and it isn’t “enough” for them. I am this close to telling my parents to shut the hell up. If they really wanted to see their grandchildren, they wouldn’t have moved so far away or never bothered to come back for a visit. Any conversation ends up with the same complaints. Is it time for some family silence?

VarunaTT

Sounds like OP just needs validation.  Your parents, just like anyone else, have to be engaged to keep a relationship going.  All the other facts aside like the vacation, really don't matter.  THEY aren't putting in any work and expect to be catered to.  That doesn't work.

banana468

"Mom, I'm going to remind you one more time that YOU left.  The kids are older, active and our jobs are demanding.  We have limited free time available and consequently travel to Florida is not on the table.  Please let me know when you'd like to come visit.  We can absolutely make plans if you'd like to travel up here."

It's time to be clear that you don't have the time to entertain the guilt about your lack of free time from people who have a plentiful supply of it and refuse to use it.  If it's a relationship they want then they have the means to make it happen.