Dear Prudence,
I am the president of a local community organization founded originally by immigrants of a certain ethnic group (think: the Something-American Society). I have been involved with the organization for many years, and it is a central component of my social life. We host a number of events annually that draw people from all backgrounds and bring a lot of joy to the community. While there is not an explicit rule that members of the board of directors have this ethnic background, currently everyone (myself included) is at least partially of that descent. Or so I thought.
My elderly father, curious to learn more about our ancestry, recently purchased a popular DNA testing kit. I didn’t think that anything would come as a surprise since, for my entire life, my family has passed down recipes and heirlooms from the aforementioned ethnic group, so I was shocked to receive a phone call from him that we are actually from a different background entirely. Complicating matters, these two groups have a long-standing history of animosity toward each other, with members of their U.S. diaspora having wildly different experiences in regard to treatment and discrimination. Not only has my identity been shaken, as this element of it was very personally significant to me, but I am torn as to how to approach it in regard to the position I hold in this local organization.
Nothing about me or my ability to lead and participate in the group has changed, but I worry that not disclosing this discovery is dishonest. If I do disclose, however, I worry that my standing in the group could be, at worst, compromised or, at best, confusing to others who may be interested in convening with those who share a similar background. I have not shared this with anyone yet other than my husband, because while there are individuals in this organization I have known for years and do trust, our town is relatively small, and gossip is inevitable. Do I have an ethical obligation to disclose these findings? I want to handle this with integrity, but this group means a lot to me, and the thought of my relationship to it changing because of this is painful. How should I proceed?