Wedding Woes

You can't snap her out

Dear Prudence,

I’ve known my best friend, “Sarah,” since elementary school. We’re in our 30s now. I graduated from college over 10 years ago and got a job. She dropped out of college and has never worked. To this day, she refuses to work, even though there’s nothing wrong with her mentally or physically. For years, she sat at home, living with her parents, which was bad enough. Any attempts to ask her when she was going to get a job and move out are met with silence, sometimes stretching for weeks.

Living at home was bad enough, but her parents sold their house and moved into a retirement home. And she went with them! Her parents are in the independent living section, in their own house, and she’s right there with them. She still refuses to work. How do I snap her out of this? She’s living in a retirement home in her 30s as life passes her by!

Re: You can't snap her out

  • This is not your business, OP.  Your friend doesn't want help with this and she's made that boundary clear with you.  You have to decide if you're going to respect it or drop out of the friendship.
  • She’s choosing her choices, and you don’t agree. You may no like it or understand it but that’s what she’s choosing. 

    So now you choose if you respect her choices and want to continue the friendship… or not. 
  • Mind your damned business. 

    Also, you don't know that there isn't a mental or physical reason she can't work; you're assuming because she doesn't have a visible disability. There very well may be something that you know nothing about, because it's none of your business. 
  • I think I'd leave it alone.  Maybe there's more to this that you'll never know or maybe her parents are horrible enablers for letting this continue.  But it's not your circus and she's not your monkey. 
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