Dear Prudence,
My sister-in-law, “Shannon,” doesn’t like me. She was close friends with my husband’s college girlfriend, who passed away before we met. She’s always made it clear to me that I am second best and not good enough for her brother, including telling me directly at my own wedding. For the first few years he kept her at a distance, but after the death of their other sibling, he is pushing for closeness.
I don’t know if it’s on purpose or truly by accident, but Shannon destroys an average of one expensive or irreplaceable item each visit. She always apologizes, but never more than that. She uses an electric wheelchair, so some of it might be mobility issues, but in the past year she: Ran over and shredded an embroidered pillow my aunt made for our wedding, smashed my expensive perfume to the floor in our en suite; got tuna fish salad all over an heirloom sweater I inherited from my mom; pulled herself up using our kitchen shelf and smashed only our wedding china at the top, nothing else. My husband’s stuff never gets destroyed, only mine or wedding things. He’s grieving and we’ve fought about his sister before. I don’t want to separate him from his family, but I’d had enough, and I had a plan.
Before Christmas I carefully boxed up everything that was irreplaceable or that I couldn’t afford to replace, and stored it at my brother’s place. During the holidays she smashed the florist vase of roses my husband bought me, but that’s replaceable. It was fine, until she left and he was trying to track down an expensive hobby item we got at our wedding. He saw me unpack it and I admitted I’d put it away during her visit because she always wrecks things. He blew up at me, and accused me of treating her badly because of her disability. It’s her personality! I know he wants to be close with the family he has left but she hates me and loves to find subtle ways to let me know it, even without the destruction. What do I do?