Dear Prudence,
What would you do if your partner really disliked your child? My partner, B, and I blended our families a few years ago and each brought a few kids with us. For the most part it’s been fine! The kids get along and everyone is pretty settled and thriving. Over the past six months-ish, B has started to show (and admit to) a pretty extreme dislike of my oldest child, G. G is tween boy and with tween boys comes a lot of … annoying and gross things. G can definitely be lazy and somewhat defiant (as in, doesn’t unload the dishwasher without drastic sighs and the occasional need to be reminded a few times), he’s not into sports and prefers to spend time gaming (we have strict limitations on it), and he definitely can be rude—in the way that all tweens and teens are.
G is no different than any other kid his age (including B’s own child that is one year older than G!) yet B frequently expresses his frustration with and dislike of G to me. He even recently did not want to attend an important school event for G. His interactions with G are negative, condescending, and full of unnecessarily harsh undertones. This is really getting to me. I even recently started working with a therapist that specializes in parenting so I can do better to help G be less … annoying? I don’t even know what I’m doing but trying to fix something that truly isn’t my job to fix. B and I have a wonderful relationship full of trust, partnership, camaraderie, and genuine enjoying each other’s company; but I can’t continue to sit back and watch/listen to the relationship between G and B go downhill.
For what it’s worth, B and I, and G and B, have had conversations about these frustrations, but it’s been fruitless. B even recently suggested that G may have to go live with his dad. This is not happening and quite frankly was an unwarranted comment. I could truly use some help in navigating this complex situation. How can I best approach it in a way that is productive and gives us actionable steps we can take to ensure everyone feels welcome and part of the family?