Pay for what you can afford

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My late husband left instructions for an elaborate funeral, but not enough money to cover the costs. My husband’s sister (who had flown in to help me make final arrangements) is insisting that his wishes be carried out regardless of the expense involved. When I explained how much of a financial hole this would put me in with two kids to raise, she threw a fit and accused me of spitting on her brother’s memory. Now she’s going around telling all the relatives how I’m supposedly too cheap to give my husband a proper funeral. I’m so furious I feel like disinviting her. What’s the proper response?

banana468

The sister is likely having a hard time coming to terms with the reality of what's going on and the costs involved. 

At this point the situation is likely already done.  So I'd likely think what the LW has to do is defend the choice rather than seek a financier.  They can say that "While we understand Edgar had left a set of instructions for how to handle the funeral, once I reviewed the costs that would be incurred I saw the toll it would take on the finances that I need to manage now with the two kids who are still living at home, going to school and need to consider my requirements and expenses helping them become adults.  It broke my heart to not do everything he asked but what was even sadder was the idea that people would think that after losing the love of my life that I intended to dishonor him by planning the funeral the way I did.   Money cannot bring him back but it will be needed for the kids.  I can only advise you that if you have specific instructions for funeral to start to pay for those now so your loved ones will not be faced with the predicament of figuring out how to pay the bill." 

levioosa

If sister wants every single thing to be carried out then she can help pay for it. 

banana468

levioosa said:

If sister wants every single thing to be carried out then she can help pay for it. 

That would be my immediate response that day and the days of the actual event.  "Oh Marcy demanded we carry out his wishes.  When I advised her what I could budget she demanded I pay more and when I asked if she was willing to contribute suddenly her wallet wasn't as open as her mouth was."