talk to her?

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I’m struggling with my relationship with my sister. We’ve never lived in the same city, but I recently moved closer to her (from the other side of the world to an hour-long flight away). She’s married with kids, while I’m single, and we have very different lives. She texts constantly—updates about her life, her kids, or small talk—which I find overwhelming, especially since much of it feels more like validation-seeking than meaningful conversation.

I don’t always reply right away, which frustrates her. She insists she’s checking in on me, but she rarely asks how I am. When I try to set boundaries, she gets defensive and even uses her children to guilt me. The truth is: We’re not as close as she thinks. I want a better relationship, but not on these terms. How can I create balance without pushing her away?

MyNameIsNot

Are you trying to set boundaries by telling her what she can do, or telling her what to expect from you? I suspect it's the former, but if she's really bent out of shape when you say something like "My work means I'm not able to be on my phone often and am not able to read and respond to messages all the time," then she's just generally not reasonable enough to have a closer relationship with. 

You don't have to be whatever it is that she wants you to be, but you also can't expect her to be someone she isn't. 

charlotte989875

Have y have you proposed wheat being closer looks like to you or just not this? Wanting a better relationship is great- how do you propose getting there? Because it seems like at least she’s trying, and making not getting it right- but at least doing something.