Dear Prudence,
I have a work meeting coming up that I am absolutely dreading. I’ve worked with a contractor for the past six years to develop a large, labor intensive order once a year. I work really well with the manager of the business, but the project coordinator, Denise, clearly resents me and bullies me when we meet. The first couple of years, Denise was cold but cordial with me and accepted some help from me to work with her on the order. The past two years, however, our relationship has deteriorated to the point I can’t interact with her without going home in tears. We had a few instances of miscommunication, for which I apologized profusely, agreed to some compromises on the order, and took on more work to help lighten her load. Denise never acknowledged these efforts on my part and continues to harshly criticize me, bring up grudges, and berate my project every time I see her.
I understand that she is going through a lot personally, my order does demand a lot from her at work, and I really do sympathize with her situation even though she ends up taking it out on me. I am a people pleaser and have a really hard time standing up for myself. Her manager, my supervisor, and other coworkers have assured me this has nothing to do with me and it’s clearly Denise that has the issue. I know that at this next meeting to plan this year’s order, she will bully me and I will end up apologizing for nothing and crying on my drive home. When I try to imagine standing up to her, I feel my tone and arguments would mirror hers and I want to stay professional and composed. I need a script and self-affirming mantra to get through this meeting!